Mom Called ‘Lazy’ After She Banned Playdates Because They’re Too Much Work
She wanted her two daughters to work out the problem between themselves.
fizkes / Shutterstock Playdates are important social experiences for children. Each person’s childhood is marked with memories of days spent with their closest friends. Unfortunately, these playdates don’t always leave behind great memories for the parents involved. A lot of preparation and effort must go into each playdate, and that can become tricky.
One mom argued that this was true when dealing with her own daughters’ social calendars. However, her child-free brother wasn’t very understanding.
A man called his sister 'lazy' for banning playdates.
A man posted on Reddit and detailed the recent disagreement he had with his sister.
“I was on the phone with my sister,” he said. “I’m childfree by choice. She had two daughters.”
The man stated that his nieces are four and 12 years old.
“She was venting to me about how playdates were getting to be a ‘pain in the [expletive]’ because four-year-old wants ‘in’ on big sister’s playdates, and she can’t stand the ‘whining and crying’ that ensues when four-year old doesn’t get to ‘play’ with them,” he explained.
The brother saw the situation pretty clearly. “Obviously big sister understandably wants time alone with her friends,” he said.
His sister didn’t quite see it that way.
“My sister thinks her older daughter and her friends getting a ‘break during little sister’s nap time’ is enough and she should let her play with them the rest of the time, because she feels she ‘shouldn’t have to referee,’” he continued.
Photo: Artem Podrez / Pexels
This caused so much contention in the family that the sister felt she had to take drastic action.
The brother said, “She told me she informed her eldest that playdates are banned until she and her sister can ‘work it out’ because she’s ‘sick of the fighting’ and ‘she’s older and shouldn’t be arguing with a four-year-old.”
The woman’s brother was incredulous and couldn’t understand why she would leave the situation up to her two children. He told his sister that “a four-year-old can’t ‘reason’” and “a playdate is supposed to be an experience for your child, not a break for the parent.”
“And [I] called her lazy and [said] that it’s her job as the parent to teach her four-year-old boundaries, not her 12-year-old’s to ‘work it out,’” he said.
His sister didn’t take this criticism very well. “She said I don’t know what I’m talking about because ‘I’m not a parent’ and I shouldn’t ‘judge’ her,” he concluded.
Although the brother may disagree, there might be some logic behind what his sister is doing.
While the brother may view his sister’s inaction as “lazy,” there may be a good reason for her to leave her children to their own devices in this situation.
Psych Central said that there are certainly times when parents should involve themselves in childhood squabbles, especially when it appears that they could turn violent. However, on average, it’s best to let kids work out their problems themselves.
“Many fights between siblings are mild and non-physical,” they said. “These situations can be good learning experiences for your children, teaching them how to solve problems and resolve conflicts with siblings and peers more effectively.”
Psych Central also noted that it’s important to allow your children to fully express their emotions and show them how to compromise with others.
While the science backs up the fact that children should be given the space to fight their own battles, perhaps the answer lies somewhere in the middle. 4 is awfully young to work through problems, and it would be difficult for a 12-year-old to come down to a four-year-old’s level.
Some minimal intervention from the mother would probably be best here.
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer for YourTango who covers entertainment, news, and human interest topics.