Husband Explains How He ‘Broke’ His Wife By Answering One Question Honestly — Now She Wants To Leave Him
Is honesty always the best policy?
fizkes / Shutterstock A husband has admitted that his wife is second-guessing their marriage after a particularly rough counseling session. Posting to the subreddit "r/TrueOffMyChest," he claimed that his wife was caught off guard after he admitted how he felt about her when they'd first met.
He 'broke' his wife by answering one question and now she wants to leave him.
In his Reddit post, he explained that he and his wife recently started counseling, and at first, she was reluctant to open up about their issues and was content pretending that everything was fine between them. During one particular session, however, she bluntly asked him how he felt about her when they first began dating.
She asked him if he found her attractive when they first met and urged him not to sugarcoat his answer or try to spare her feelings. He admitted that he had no idea how to answer his wife's question, but that he loved her more than anything. Unfortunately, that wasn't going to be enough of an answer for her.
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"I think that she’s the most beautiful woman I know but did I immediately think that when I met her? No, I didn’t really find her attractive. We all grow up having a type," he recalled. "I remember thinking that she wasn’t exactly my type. But she was so lovable and sweet. It didn’t take me long to fall for her and now, I find women who look like her attractive so I guess type is something very superficial and fleeting."
He told her the truth and explained that while he wasn't initially attracted to her physically, her personality was what drew him in.
His wife didn't take it well and burst into tears. She claimed that she didn't know why she was so hurt by what he'd said and that she knew there was more than just being a beautiful woman.
Despite asking for total honesty, she couldn't get past the hurt and was stuck in her sadness.
He continued, saying that this latest counseling session was the most "draining experience" they've had together and when they got home, his wife apologized for making a big deal out of something trivial, but that she couldn't help it and was still trying to sort out why his response to her question had bothered her so much.
However, it seemed that after sitting with her feelings, she decided that she didn't want to be married to him anymore. She told him that something had broken inside of her during their last session.
"She asked me if I would try to hurt her and the children if we did separate. If I would use them to get back at her. Alienate her, because she chose to leave. I promised her that none of this would happen and that I loved her and wanted her to be happy even if it wasn’t with me."
Both of their families are in uproar about this latest news, but mostly at his wife. They accused her of letting her insecurities get in the way, but he doesn't think she's insecure but rather upset that the one person whose approval she sought hadn't given it to her.
Unfortunately, sometimes an immediate physical attraction to someone doesn't happen when you first meet them, but it can grow over time.
He admitted that despite his wife not being his usual "type," he was still attracted to her personality and what she made him feel. Unfortunately, that did not assuage her pain.
A strong, lasting relationship is built on more than physical attraction. The family and life they built should be her focus, but that doesn't mean her feelings should be ignored.
She had a preconceived notion of what she wanted her husband to say about how he felt when they first met versus what he actually felt. She has to process that.
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Everyone has different coping mechanisms for dealing with emotional distress, and his wife is clearly struggling with trying to let go of an idea that proved to be untrue.
People in the comments section were divided on how they felt, with some claiming that he should've lied and spared his wife's feelings even if she didn't want him to, while others encouraged him to try and reassure his wife that he is physically attracted to her now, and his past feelings don't matter.
"This is the kind of situation that will take a while to heal with therapy and reassurance and deep talks. But breaking a family over this, is completely out of proportion," one Reddit user wrote, while another user added, "You need to tell your family at least to back off your wife. She's insecure because of you and you need to man up and tell them this is your fault. Don't let her take the brunt of this."
Ultimately, the husband's admission, while the truth, inadvertently ended up hurting his wife's feelings, and if he wants to rebuild their marriage, there needs to be both understanding and a willingness to work through the issues that have arisen because of it.
Nia Tipton is a Chicago-based entertainment, news, and lifestyle writer whose work delves into modern-day issues and experiences.