Teen Won't Speak To Her Mom Ever Again After Learning That The Acceptance Email To Her Dream College Was Hidden From Her
She feels betrayed that her mother would try and jeopardize her future.
fizkes / Shutterstock A teenage girl and her mother got into an explosive argument after the teen found out her mother had hidden something extremely important from her.
Posting to Reddit, the 17-year-old admitted that she and her mother are not on good terms, and she has no idea when they will be again after finding out her mother tried to keep something valuable from her.
She refuses to speak to her mother ever again after learning the acceptance email from her dream college was hidden from her.
In her Reddit post, she explained that while she and her mother have gotten into their fair share of fights over the years, the most recent one was the worst. The mother-daughter duo have been getting into disagreements about college since the teen entered high school, and those disagreements only heightened once she began applying to schools.
The arguments centered around the mom claiming that she wasn't going to let her daughter go to college because she felt her daughter didn't have the right personality for higher education. The teen, however, was adamant about going.
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"We keep having fights about this to this day. A little while ago, I got into one of my dream universities. I had been dreaming about this university for years. and I got in on a scholarship, (not full-ride, but I had a lot of tuition off) and with the amount I was awarded, I could have paid for college myself," she revealed, adding that the housing would be free as well.
She didn't realize she'd gotten accepted because she lost access to her email account and was using her mother's account to check for any responses.
Her mother had refused to let her check at first and would tell her daughter that she hadn't received any college emails. With no reason to doubt her mother, she believed her and didn't press the issue.
However, during a time when her mother had gone to the bathroom, leaving her phone unattended, she took that opportunity to go and check, seeing an acceptance email from her dream college sitting in her mother's inbox. The 17-year-old was furious and began yelling at her mother, insisting that she could pay for college on her own and that she was the "worst thing that ever happened to me."
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She also promised her mother that she wouldn't be speaking to her ever again because of this. Her mom didn't seem to care and is refusing to speak to her daughter as well. With her father traveling, and her sister in college, the young girl feels as if she has no one to talk to about this situation.
"Apparently my mother spoke to her therapist and believes I inflicted trauma purely out of teenage angst. I don't think it was angst, I genuinely can't express the anger I feel. But I do wanna know if I gave my mom trauma," she remarked.
It's no secret that some parents aren't quite on board with the idea of their children going to college, especially nowadays when the cost of tuition is through the roof and the national student loan debt is astronomically high. However, the decision to attend college is up to the child. Just like no parent can force their children to go to college, no parent can refuse to let their child experience something that they want to experience, even if it is college.
Instead of creating an environment of open communication and support, this mother used deception and manipulation to get what she wanted. Education is something that everyone has a right to access and pursue, and while it may seem scary for this mother to accept her daughter wanting to go away to school, ultimately, that decision isn't hers to keep secret.
People in the comments section agreed that she has every right to be upset at her mother.
"You seem to have handled the situation pretty maturely so far, and then she went and hid a life-changing email from you. That is something no mother should ever dream of doing," one Reddit user wrote.
"She has not suffered ‘trauma inflicting words’ because of you getting rightfully angry, I promise you that. I don’t know how she was expecting you to react, but you were understandably angry." Another user added, "It doesn't matter if you traumatized her or not, your actions were justified regardless. It's natural and expected that you would react strongly to being lied to about something as important as an acceptance letter."
"If she’s in therapy it’s most likely not because of you. She has her own problems. Maybe what you said was a little harsh but she purposefully hid your acceptance letter and has actively tried to prevent you from going to college because you 'don’t have the personality for it,'" a third user chimed in.
"You are very smart, responsible, hardworking, and don’t feel entitled to anything. Your mother should be proud of the young adult she raised and she isn’t simply because of her weird need for control."
Without proper communication, this mom may have irreparably harmed her relationship with her daughter.
It's entirely possible this mom had valid reasons why she thought her daughter wasn't ready for college, but she obviously didn't communicate them properly.
Dr. Jessi Gold, a psychiatrist at Washington University in St. Louis, explained to the New York Times, “Teens will come to you more if they don’t feel like every time they do they get a lecture." Dr. Gold added, "Try your best, when they talk to you, to validate their emotions and not judge them for what they are saying.”
It's clear this mom shut down discussions about college instead of talking to her daughter and listening to her concerns. Instead, she chose to lie, which broke the bonds of trust and immediately closed off any chance of an open dialogue. Rebuilding that trust will be no easy task.
In the end, parents should always be proud of the accomplishments and achievements of their children. They should be their biggest cheerleader instead of the ones trying to hold them back. And they certainly shouldn't lie to them.
Nia Tipton is a Chicago-based entertainment, news, and lifestyle writer whose work delves into modern-day issues and experiences.