Young Woman Wonders If She’s Wrong For Refusing To Let Men ‘Use Her Bathroom’ After Walking Her Home From A First Date
You can never be too careful when meeting someone for the first time.
Dimensions / CanvaPro First dates can be exciting. They are the start of new connections, and at the very least, a night out on the town. What’s not to like? However, for many people — especially women — there are a million other things to consider before getting excited about a first date, from safety concerns to inappropriate behavior and harassment.
With almost 82% of women reporting they consider personal safety on a first date — compared to only 48% of their male counterparts — it’s no surprise that one woman’s Reddit post on the “Dating” forum has sparked a much larger, more serious, conversation.
“Is it normal for guys to ask to use my bathroom after walking me home from a first date?” this woman plainly asked after indulging readers in her dating experiences. In the comments, she sparked a debate about a multitude of things — from dating safety to hookup culture and the usefulness of a white lie.
This woman wonders if she’s wrong for refusing to let a man into her apartment to ‘use her bathroom’ after a first date.
After moving into the area as a young woman, this Reddit poster was excited to explore the dating scene in her new city. However, as she started to go on dates with men, she couldn’t help but notice a potentially unnerving trend.
“I’m dating two guys,” she wrote. “Both of them asked if they could use my bathroom after walking me home.” She wondered if this was a trend of “Western dating culture” that she just didn’t understand after moving to the new area.
While some comments pointed out the potential innocence of the situation, others confirmed her safety suspicions.
Admitting she’s new to ‘Western dating culture,’ she asked for advice on how to handle the situation and wondered if it’s ‘the norm’ for first dates.
“The first time [they asked] I thought it was a genuine question, but then the other guy asked the same question… so I’m a bit confused.”
While dating apps and the new landscape of dating have revolutionized the scene for many young people, the truth is that this new atmosphere introduces several concerns for everyone.
Photo: Bernardbodo / CanvaPro
From sexual assault to catfishing, dating apps pose many issues for singles looking for companionship. While we’d all like to assume that a first date (or even a third date) is leading us to a soulmate, the truth is that these people are still strangers.
“Stranger danger” is still a very real thing and why many women are hesitant to let dates pick them up for dinner, come to their homes, or share their personal information before getting into a relationship. It’s these basic safeguards that often help to protect people from inevitable harm.
“As a guy, I would feel very intrusive asking that,” one commenter added. “That’s inside your home. In my opinion, it’s weird and you shouldn’t feel bad for saying no.”
Some comments suggested she use a “white lie” to protect herself from the potential backlash of simply “saying no.”
“Just say that your plumbing is messed up before leaving the restaurant… they’ll go if they really have to.”
Commenters argued she was valid in her refusal, naming their own safety concerns and compromising situations as evidence.
“Pretty sure this was a recommended tactic in pickup artist circles for getting in the door (literally),” one commenter pointed out, “for facilitating a potential hookup.”
While asking to use a restroom seems innocent, it’s comments like these that serve as a reminder of the potential dangers of the dating scene.
So, although this woman might’ve gone on a few dates with these men — the dangers of assault (or worse) are ever-present.
“You never know what could happen,” one person wrote. “Best case scenario, they actually have to go to the bathroom. Worst case scenario, they try to force themselves onto you… or worse. If it makes you uncomfortable, they’ll understand. If they don’t, you have no reason to be dating them.”
So, no — this isn’t a “culture shock,” as this woman suggested. It might be shocking that women today have to be on their guard while trying to find a relationship, but when it comes to online dating, trust has to be earned.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a news and entertainment writer at YourTango focusing on pop culture analysis and human interest stories.