Mom Explains Why Parents Should Stop Looking At Adoption As A Solution To Their Infertility — 'We Should Not Treat Them The Same'
Treating adoption as a last resort to having a child is the wrong way to begin that journey.
NDAB Creativity / Shutterstock A mom named Paige Turner admitted that the conversation surrounding both adoption and IVF (in vitro fertilization) needs to change because they are not the same and shouldn't be used interchangeably.
In a TikTok video, Turner responded to a comment from a follower who claimed that both IVF and adoption are solutions for people who want to be parents, which Turner heavily disagreed with and revealed exactly why she does.
Turner explained why parents should stop using adoption as a solution to their infertility.
Turner acknowledged that when it comes to the topic of adoption, a majority of people are severely uneducated about what that means. Many people are affected when it comes to an adoption: the parents adopting, the child, and the birth parents, if they're involved in the process. This means that the rhetoric surrounding adoption needs to change, especially concerning parents going through IVF treatments.
"The implications of adoption on a child are vast and far-reaching, and will color their entire lives," Turner insisted. "Adopting a child is not just something you do, it is something that will impact everybody involved for the rest of their lives."
Adoption is a lifelong commitment that involves not only providing for a child's physical needs but also emotional support, guidance, and most importantly, love. It often creates an extremely complex and emotional dynamic that requires patience and support from the adoptive parents when it comes to the adopted child because that is who is most important in this scenario.
Turner pointed out that an adopted child misses out on large chunks of information when it comes to their past and who they are. Many adult adoptees have also admitted that they would have rather stayed with their family of origin because of the stigmas surrounding adoption.
"To act like going through IVF and having a pregnancy where you deliver a child that is biologically related to you is the same as adopting ... they are not the same thing, and oftentimes, just the way we talk about adoption in the infertility community is troublesome."
Turner noticed that infertile people will say things about adoption that make it seem as if they don't know what it entails.
A common phrase that Turner hears among infertile people is, "Worst-case scenario if we can't conceive, we'll adopt."
"Worst-case scenario" should never be something a person says in the same sentence as adoption because that proves that they aren't even ready to embark on the journey in the first place. If adoption is someone's "worst case" then it shouldn't even be an option much less a solution. Adoption isn't for parents, it's for children who want a family, and if someone isn't ready to provide that, then they shouldn't even be thinking about it.
Photo: kate_sept2004 / Canva Pro
"Adoptions of all kinds are traumatic. International adoptions, private adoptions, [and] adoption through foster care. They are all traumatic for children in different ways," Turner said. She explained that even as the mother of a child who has been adopted, for certain paperwork that she will fill out for that child, she has to write "unknown" for certain areas.
She doesn't have that same experience when she's filling out paperwork for her child who was born through IVF, because of how vastly different both options are. Turner urged people to stop equating adopting to infertility because it's a damaging concept and pushes people to go through with adopting for all of the wrong reasons.
They are under this impression that having a child, whichever way it happens, will still be a heartwarming experience, and while it can be, it's different and if you don't prepare for those differences then the only person who will end up hurt in the end will be the child.
"People need to be more educated on adoption, they need to follow adoptees, they need to learn from adoptees before they continue to provide adoptions as a solution for infertility."
Adoption can be an incredibly rewarding and powerful path, but it is also challenging and requires careful thought and planning.
It's a lifelong commitment to a child that you are bringing into your life and family. It can't be a decision made on a whim over the disappointment of not being able to conceive, and it shouldn't be done without the best interest of an adoptee.
Seek out the necessary resources and support, and make sure to fully understand all of the pros and cons before making the decision, because in the end, it's someone's life that will be changed forever.
Nia Tipton is a Chicago-based entertainment, news, and lifestyle writer whose work delves into modern-day issues and experiences.