Motivational Speaker Explains The Two Simple Words That Can Help You Stop Taking Things So Personally
"So much time and energy is wasted on forcing other people to match your expectations."
Andrea Piacquadio / Shutterstock A motivational speaker named Mel Robbins has revealed a simple phrase that individuals can tell themselves whenever they have hurt feelings.
In May 2023, Robbins posted a video to her Instagram where she encouraged others to start adopting the mantra that she's been telling herself — and it involves two simple words.
Robbins revealed how two simple words can help you stop taking things so personally.
In Robbins' video, she explained how adopting the "let them theory" can change your life.
"If your friends are not inviting you out to brunch this weekend, let them. If the person that you're really attracted to is not interested in a commitment, let them," Robbins bluntly stated. She admitted that this mindset could extend to parents, too. Primarily, it's about not internalizing hurt feelings based on other people's decisions.
As Robbins put it, just "letting them" is often a better response than trying to become a people-pleaser. If you let other people's concerns dictate your life, you will often fall into the repetitive cycle of trying to fix others, but by taking a step back, you allow peace and calm energy into your space.
"So much time and energy is wasted on forcing other people to match your expectations and the truth is if somebody, especially somebody you're dating or who's a friend, or somebody you're trying to partner with in business ... if they are not showing up how you need them to show up, do not try and force them to change. Let them be themselves."
Robbins noted that by adopting this mindset and allowing people to do the things they want without trying to change them, they will slowly reveal who they are at their core. You should never have to force someone to be in your life or teach them how to care for you because those aren't things you should teach someone at all. If a person truly cares about you, then they'll want to make you happy, they'll care about your ideas or endeavors.
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"Just let them, and then you get to choose what you do next," Robbins insisted. "Stop wasting energy on trying to get other people to meet your expectations."
The 'let them' theory shouldn't supersede the importance of feeling your feelings.
While speaking with USA Today, Catherine Del Toro, a mental health counselor, explained that the concept of "let them" is great for people with anxiety and those who often carry the burden of trying to change negative outcomes within the people in their lives.
"It's a great strategy, and what's interesting about it is that the whole basis of it, or a big part of it, is to let go of control," Del Toro told the publication. "In this struggle of trying to control an outcome, if I let them do whatever they want to do, then I have a part of that outcome as well."
While there is a sense of power in being able to block out the actions of others and how they make you feel, the "let them" theory doesn't mean that all of those negative feelings won't still come to the surface. Stephanie Sparks, a psychologist, told USA Today that it's important for people to still lean into those feelings even while embracing the "let them" concept.
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"If it's something that upsets you, let yourself feel upset about it," she said. "Accept people the way they are, but it doesn't necessarily mean that they're people that are healthy for you."
You can't change other people's actions, but to protect yourself, you can stop having unrealistic expectations and holding them on a pedestal where you expect them to be able to read your mind and show up for you in the ways that you need them to. It's important to openly discuss boundaries and expectations, especially with romantic partners and friends.
By letting go of unrealistic expectations, we can effectively start to cultivate healthier relationships with the people in our lives and let go of trying to appease people who don't deserve it.
Nia Tipton is a Chicago-based entertainment, news, and lifestyle writer whose work delves into modern-day issues and experiences.