The Only 5 Times Going 'No Contact' With A Parent Is Smart, According To A Therapist
Cutting people out of your life can hold you back from growth, but there are a few times it's justified.
wanderluster / Getty Images Signature and Goran13 / Getty Images via Canva The tie between parent and child is typically regarded as resilient and enduring — some may even think unbreakable. However, there are instances where this connection sours, becoming tainted by toxicity, abuse, or lingering unresolved conflicts.
This can compel individuals to face the difficult decision of severing ties with a parent. While this choice is undoubtedly challenging, it often serves as a means of self-preservation and a starting point for healing.
On the YourTango podcast Open Relationships: Transforming Together therapist Dr. Alexandra Soloman revealed several instances where cutting ties with family is not only a smart choice but a safe one.
"It does become a choice of the only way to save myself is by stepping away," she states.
A Therapist Explains The 5 Times Going 'No Contact' With A Parent Is Smart
1. When it's too toxic to fix.
When the relationship is too toxic to fix, it's essential to recognize the signs that the relationship may be irreparable. When we talk about a relationship being "toxic," we mean it's harmful and draining.
In parent-child relationships, toxicity can manifest in various forms, such as emotional manipulation, constant criticism, or setting unrealistic expectations. These behaviors can significantly erode someone's self-esteem and perpetuate a detrimental cycle.
In such cases, despite efforts to mend the relationship, the harmful dynamics may persist, making it necessary to prioritize one's well-being and consider ending contact for the sake of personal growth and healing.
2. When it's abusive of any kind.
Sometimes, a toxic relationship can escalate into outright abuse, taking various forms such as physical violence, emotional manipulation, verbal degradation, or neglect. Abuse inflicts profound wounds that can deeply impact an individual's mental and emotional well-being.
In such situations, cutting off contact may become not only a means of self-protection but also a vital step toward reclaiming one's sense of safety and dignity. By severing ties with the abuser, individuals create space to prioritize their own healing and break free from the cycle of harm.
3. When you are denied the trauma you experienced.
Parents who ignore or downplay their own past trauma may inadvertently perpetuate a cycle of pain and dysfunction within the family dynamic. When a child's trauma is denied or minimized, it creates an environment where their emotional needs are overlooked and invalidated.
This dismissive attitude towards the child's suffering can exacerbate feelings of isolation and inadequacy, further deepening the wounds inflicted by the original trauma. In such circumstances, cutting ties with the parent might be the only viable option for the child to break free from this harmful cycle and prioritize their own emotional well-being.
By distancing themselves from the source of denial and neglect, individuals can seek validation and support elsewhere, fostering a healthier environment for their personal growth and healing.
4. When addiction is at play.
When a parent struggles with addiction, it can wreak havoc within the family dynamics, leaving behind a trail of chaos and uncertainty. The unpredictable nature of addiction often results in erratic behavior and neglect, creating an environment fraught with tension and instability.
Despite the heartfelt efforts to assist their parent in overcoming their addiction, individuals may find themselves grappling with the harsh reality that their support alone may not suffice. In such challenging circumstances, prioritizing one's own well-being becomes paramount.
Stepping back from the tumult of their parent's addiction can serve as a necessary act of self-preservation, enabling individuals to establish healthy boundaries and safeguard their emotional and mental health. Though difficult, this decision allows individuals the space to focus on their own healing journey, while seeking the support and resources needed to navigate the complexities of their parent's addiction.
5. When betrayal and deceit run rampant.
When a parent breaches your trust or deceives you, the emotional fallout can be deeply distressing. Whether it involves acts of infidelity, financial deceit, or repeatedly failing to fulfill promises, the sense of betrayal can inflict profound wounds on the relationship.
Such betrayals shake the very foundation of trust and mutual respect that underpin the parent-child bond, leaving behind a sense of disillusionment and hurt. In the aftermath of betrayal, the idea of cutting ties may emerge as the most viable option to initiate a new chapter and rebuild trust.
By severing the connection with the betraying parent, individuals create space for healing and the opportunity to restore faith in themselves and future relationships. Though daunting, this decision signifies a courageous step towards preserving one's self-worth and nurturing a sense of empowerment in the wake of betrayal.
In the end, deciding to cut off contact with a parent is a tough journey filled with mixed emotions and pressure from others. But it's often a brave choice made for self-care in the face of tough situations.
By understanding these struggles and supporting those who make this choice, we can help create a safer and more empowering environment for everyone dealing with tough family situations. So instead of judging them, perhaps be a support system for them to lean on when they make the decision that best suits them.
Because trust me, it'll be hard for them to make that cut.
Deauna Roane is a writer and the Editorial Project Manager for YourTango. She's had bylines in Emerson College's literary magazine, Generic, and MSN.