Woman Says Stepdads Are Treated Like Heroes For Raising Someone’s Else’s Kid While Stepmoms Are Seen As Intruders
"It takes a village to raise a child. So, why can’t a stepmom be part of that village?"
Yuganov Konstantin / Shutterstock In today’s world, it sometimes feels like there is a double standard where stepfathers and stepmothers are concerned.
Often, stepdads are treated better than stepmoms in blended families.
A stepmother shared her feelings on the differences in how stepmoms and stepdads are viewed.
Megan Gower is a stepmother from Tennessee. She posted a video on TikTok in which she got candid about her thoughts on how stepmoms are treated as opposed to stepdads.
“Nobody understands how mentally and emotionally draining it is to be a stepmom,” she lamented.
“Stepdads are always treated like heroes; like they swooped in and they took in a child that wasn’t theirs,” she said. “But yet, a stepmom is always seen as a villain, someone who broke up a family, someone who is an intruder.”
Gower also shared her thoughts about the differences between how stepmoms and biological parents are allowed to act in society.
“Biological parents get to complain all day long about how hard it is being a parent,” she stated. “But if a stepmom did it? ‘She’s awful. She chose this life.’ Okay, but didn’t biological parents also choose to have kids?”
Gower said that most would respond with, “‘Just leave him then.’” But that isn’t an option. “We chose the man, and we chose to love his kids. We didn’t choose the heartache that came with it.”
Photo: Hrecheniuk Oleksii / Canva Pro
Gower also addressed how difficult it is to be a stepmom in general.
“I promise we’re not here to intrude or purposely overstep,” she said. “Oftentimes, I just want to be a helping hand. But instead, we’re degraded and we’re excluded from things.”
Gower admitted that being a stepmom can hurt you emotionally.
“You’d honestly be so surprised by how many stepmoms bottle up their feelings and then they just fall apart behind closed doors,” she said. “Because in today’s society, it’s not okay for us to have feelings.”
The evil stepmother is an often-used symbol in pop culture.
Indeed, stepmoms are often looked down upon. When someone mentions the word, it usually conjures images of the evil stepmothers from fairy tales like "Cinderella" and "Snow White." These are the stories that we have grown up with, and so they are what we have come to expect.
However, BBC argued that this archetypal image needs to change.
“Though stepfamilies of all kinds certainly face challenges and conflicts that could reinforce some elements of these stereotypes, there’s no real evidence supporting the wicked stepmother caricature,” the outlet explained. Adding, "stepmothers can be uniquely beneficial to families, serving as the glue that holds members together after a separation, and providing extra support to grieving children.”
BBC also noted that as divorce rates increase, having some sort of stepfamily relationship, including that of a stepmother, is becoming increasingly common.
Why are stepfathers 'treated like heroes?'
Although this may help to explain why stepmoms are looked at with contempt, it doesn’t account for why stepdads are so revered. This could very well be because men are often praised for doing the bare minimum.
According to Nylon, “News outlets often laude men for doing everyday things, like being a good dad. If a guy plays dolls with his daughter he’s Parent of the Year. A mom being a good mom is expected. She needs to ‘have it all’ Sheryl Sandberg-style in order to get any recognition.”
So, women are always expected to do more without any recognition. They must be super-stepmoms, while stepdads, and dads for that matter, can often simply show up and be celebrated. This disparity needs to change. The work done by stepmoms is just as significant as that of any other parent and deserves to be recognized as such.
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer for YourTango who covers entertainment, news, and human interest topics.