Mom Wonders If She Should Make Her 6-Year-Old Apologize For Being Rude To A Woman Who Talked To Her 'Like A Baby'
Should children be forced to apologize?
Dean Drobot | Shutterstock Parenting headstrong children can be difficult. They want to have their own way, all while you try to show them the right way.
One mom found this to be true with her “smart and straightforward little girl.”
A mom is trying to decide if she should make her 6-year-old apologize after she called another woman 'stupid.'
A woman took to Reddit to ask for advice and feedback on her handling of a difficult situation her daughter was a part of. Her daughter, Katie, is mature for her age.
“People are often surprised over what comes out of her mouth,” she said. “We do talk about filtering, but as she’s 6, she’s not always [the] best at it.”
Because Katie is so mature, she is not used to being spoken to like most 6-year-olds. Her mom said, “I admit I didn’t use a lot of baby talk when she was younger and do speak to her as I would an adult.” So, naturally, when Katie was spoken to like a baby, she didn’t quite know how to take it.
Katie was with her babysitter, Lauren, one day when Lauren’s mom, Julie, came over “to drop something off.” She didn’t make the best first impression on Katie.
“Julie began gushing about how cute Katie is and began baby talking [to] her, using cutesy words, pronouncing things with w’s, etc,” her mom said. At the time, Lauren was making dinner. “Julie turned to Katie and asked, ‘Are you ready for your nummies?’” Katie’s mom said.
That was when things fell apart.
“Katie got a weird look on her face and asked, ‘Why are you talking to me like that? Are you stupid or something?’” she said.
After the fact, everyone was up in arms over who should apologize. Lauren argued that Katie had been rude to her mother and should apologize to her. Meanwhile, Katie’s mom felt that Julie shouldn’t have been talking to Katie that way and should be the one to apologize.
There’s an argument to be made for both sides in this situation.
This is one problem that doesn’t have a clear-cut solution. On the one hand, Julie really had no reason to be speaking to a 6-year-old in such a way.
One commenter on Reddit made an interesting point when they said, “I’m a teacher who mostly teaches 6-7-year-olds. Nobody speaks to them like they’re babies, not their parents or siblings or family members that visit school … I think it’s really weird that Julie saw a 6-year-old and thought, ‘I better speak to this child like they’re a toddler.’”
However, at the same time, Katie really did go too far with her response. Calling someone “stupid” is not a joke, especially when you’re a little kid.
Another commenter agreed, stating, “‘Why are you talking like that?’ is fine. ‘Are you stupid or something?’ crosses the line into rude and disrespectful. So, help your daughter craft an appropriate apology for saying that.”
Should children be forced to apologize?
Really, the heart of this mom’s question was whether or not she should make Katie apologize. But, is it healthy to force children to say they're sorry?
According to Psychology Today, “You should give your child a chance to make a spontaneous apology but, if it is not happening, you can ask them to apologize. A prompted apology may be more helpful in repairing the relationship than no apology.”
However, they also note, “You should not ‘force’ your child to apologize or threaten to punish them if they do not apologize since this kind of controlling behavior in parenting has well-documented negative impacts on children.”
So, while teaching your children to apologize is a good idea, they should never feel forced to. This means that if Katie truly doesn’t feel that she did anything wrong, she may not have to apologize at all.
Maybe the more pressing parenting issue for Katie's mom should be teaching her daughter not to call people names.
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer for YourTango who covers entertainment, news and human interest topics.