The Sad Reason Almost Every Mom ‘Wants To Do Nothing’ On Her Birthday
When mothers are responsible for most things in their everyday lives, it's no wonder they want a simple relaxation day.
Rockaa from Getty Images Signature via Canva Pro A working mom of four named Paige Turner has revealed the secret behind why a majority of mothers want to do absolutely nothing on certain days, including birthdays and Mother's Day.
Turner explained the sad reason why every mom 'wants to do nothing' on her birthday.
In a TikTok video, Turner revealed that usually mothers carry all of the mental load of the family, and the only thing they want on their special days is to be able to relax without being bothered.
"Have you ever wondered why women on their birthdays or Mother's Day always say, 'I just want to do nothing. I want to do absolutely nothing, that's all I want for my birthday. Honestly, I don't care what we do or what it looks like. I just don't want to have to plan or coordinate anything,'" Turner began in her video.
She explained that women typically have this mindset because every other day of the year, they have to plan and coordinate for everyone else. As a result, on their birthday or Mother's Day, they often want to sit back and let someone else take the reins for once, usually the husband in the scenario.
However, instead of listening and allowing his wife to relax, Turner pointed out that husbands will usually bombard their wives with questions.
"The husband will go, 'Sure, babe. What are you thinking a massage or do you want dinner? And if dinner, do you care where we go? I was thinking this place or this place, which one do you want?"
"And if you want a massage, can you send me the link because I forgot where you like to go? What do you want for your birthday? Can you send me the link for that?" Turner continued, imitating the questions that husbands will usually ask.
Most of the questions end up requiring their wives to put in the extra work of sending their husbands' links when they originally admitted to not wanting to have to plan or do any work. The entire time, the wife is just sitting there, thinking to herself that she wants peace and quiet. Instead, she's going to have to corral together all of the information for her husband, including who should watch the children, the number of babysitters, and having to decide what day she wants to celebrate her birthday.
"I want to plan nothing and now you're asking me to plan it!" Turner said incredulously. "You're asking me to tell you what to buy me, you're asking me to tell you what day to do, you're asking me for the babysitter's number, you're asking me what restaurant I want to go to, you're asking me if I want a massage. You're asking me all these things."
What a mom really wanted to do was just wake up and not have to make any decisions. She wanted to sleep in, not think about cooking dinner, folding laundry, or wiping their kid's nose.
Mothers just want a day when all they have to think about is themselves.
"I want to not have to think about it. I wanted a day where my brain could rest and just be for me because that's what I never get," Turner insisted. "I was thinking that maybe one day I could have that, but no, I had to tell you all the things."
Turner remarked that this ends up happening to women all of the time, and men just don't understand it. She found that the issue for men is they don't understand what doing nothing means, but women mean "nothing" in all aspects of the word.
"We mean we truly want to do nothing," she continued. "We wanna think about nothing, plan nothing. I don't even care where we go to dinner."
In fact, husbands should know their wives well enough to know the type of food they like, their favorite restaurants, their favorite place to get massages, and everything in between. When it comes to gifts, husbands should know the type of things their wives like, and the things they don't like.
"I'm lucky because I have that kind of husband, but not everybody does. I'm just here to serve as a friendly reminder that if your wife tells you she wants to do or plan nothing on her birthday, she means it."
It's no secret that mothers are often responsible for much of the household responsibilities and childcare.
According to the Pew Research Center, when it comes to taking care of sick children, 55% of married or cohabiting parents say the mother does more than the father; just 4% say the father does more, and 41% say both parents share this equally.
Mothers also tend to take on more household chores and responsibilities; 41% of married or cohabiting parents say this is the case in their households, compared with just 8% who say the father does more.
If every day out of the year is spent making sure the children are getting to school on time, completing their homework, shuttling them to afterschool activities, cleaning the house, cooking, making sure everything is stocked, and on top of that, sometimes working full-time, then no wonder mothers want their birthdays to be tranquil.
It might seem like a bizarre request for someone to want to do absolutely nothing, but it's important that husbands understand and respect their partner's desire for a carefree day and allow them the opportunity to sit back, kick their feet up, and not have to worry about something for at least 24 hours.
Nia Tipton is a Chicago-based entertainment, news, and lifestyle writer whose work delves into modern-day issues and experiences.