Mom Shows How She Teaches Her Sons About Consent Through Body Language Cues
She made sure to instill the importance of respecting another person's boundaries with her sons.
supersizer from Getty Images Signature via Canva Pro A mom has sparked a conversation about the best way to teach children about consent after showing the game she plays with her two sons about body language.
In a video posted to her TikTok, a mom named Kelsey Pomeroy shared that she routinely helps teach "enthusiastic consent" and practices setting boundaries with her children.
She showed how she teaches her sons about consent through body language cues.
"We're gonna play the body language game. You're gonna come in like you wanna give me a hug and I'm either gonna say yes or no, but I'm not gonna talk with my words, I'm gonna talk with my body because we can all read and understand body language," Pomeroy began in her video, speaking directly to one of her sons who was participating in the exercise.
Pomeroy invited her son to come in for a hug, opening up her arms and showing that her body language was accepting of touch. As her son came in, Pomeroy wrapped her arms around him and hugged him close to her body.
Afterward, she asked him what her body language told him that alerted him to it being okay that she wanted a hug, and he answered that her body language was saying "yes," because of her open arms and inviting demeanor.
The next time her son came in for a hug, Pomeroy's body was turned away from him, her arms were by her side and she was slightly shrinking her body into the counter behind her.
"I said stop with my words?" she asked her son, to which he replied, "No."
"But I said stop with my body, right?" she continued. "You are very good at reading body language, so if you want to hug a friend or high-five a friend or do anything, even if they're not saying no, you can look at their body and know that they're saying no. You can see other people and help them."
Photo: Milan Radulovic / Canva Pro
Pomeroy posed a question to her son if he ever sees someone wanting to hug a friend but their body language is saying that they aren't comfortable with it, and instead of noticing their body language, that person is still trying to go in for a hug, what should he say to that person? Her son replied that he would go up to that person and say that that person didn't want to be hugged.
She explained that she and her sons often practice how to tell if a person is uncomfortable with being touched.
In the caption of her video, Pomeroy explained that even if she had daughters, the body language consent game would still be played with them, as it's about making sure you aren't making another person uncomfortable by touching them when they don't want to be touched.
"We talk about how even if someone isn't saying "no" with their words, they might be saying 'no,' 'I don't like this,' or 'I'm uncomfortable' with their body language. That means we stop," she wrote. Pomeroy also has her sons practice reversing the roles so they can learn to protect their bodies.
They also talk about verbal consent and often practice saying words and phrases such as, "no," and "I don't like that."
"We talk about standing up for others, asking for help from a trusted adult, and 'reading' body language in other situations. Like if he sees a kid on the playground alone and looking sad, what could he do? What is their body language saying about how they're feeling?"
She makes sure that throughout their day, she takes time to point out her body language to her sons and to observe their own body language when they aren't specifically using their words.
There's a growing movement towards teaching consent in schools.
It's not just mothers like Pomeroy who are adamant about teaching their children consent, but an overwhelming amount of parents who are urging schools to start incorporating teaching consent in the classroom, especially as it relates to sex education.
According to a survey from Kaiser and the Washington Post, 88% of parents support teaching how to ask for consent, how to recognize whether your partner is giving consent (93%), and how to avoid sexually assaulting someone (95%).
With the restrictive laws that have been passed over the last several years about the curriculum being taught in schools about sex and gender, parents still believe in the importance of comprehensive sex education and making sure children understand boundaries, no matter their gender.
Seventy percent of parents surveyed for Parents magazine said that "sex education is important for the well-being of children," and, in fact, 3 out of 4 parents think sex education is important or very important.
While talking to your children about consent can be uncomfortable and overwhelming, it doesn't have to be a serious sit-down conversation, but something lighthearted, like Pomeroy does with her sons.
Children who can understand and practice consent are also being taught how to be comfortable in their own bodies by respecting someone else's.
You don't have to incorporate sex in the conversation either, because consent goes far beyond being in a romantic situation, and more about making sure you are respecting someone's boundaries in a platonic way as well.
Nia Tipton is a Chicago-based entertainment, news, and lifestyle writer whose work delves into modern-day issues and experiences.