Absent Father Who Signed Away Parental Rights & Refused Contact Now Wants A Relationship With His 6-Year-Old
The boy's mom wants to protect her son but also understands that he might want to get to know his father.
Lopolo / Shutterstock A mom is questioning whether she's wrong for wanting to protect her son from his father, who chose to walk out of his life without attempting a relationship with him.
Posting her dilemma to the subreddit "r/Parenting," she revealed that her ex-husband recently changed his mind about wanting to know his son, but she was apprehensive about letting the two meet.
The mom wondered if she should allow her son to finally have a relationship with his absent father.
In her Reddit post, she explained that about three months after her son, Max, was born, she and her ex-husband, Luke, split up. Since she was on active duty in the military at the time, she and Luke didn't live in their home state, so he moved back to live with his parents.
"Over the next year, I didn’t hear much from Luke and it was apparent that he didn’t want to have a relationship with his son. Luke has some medical issues that do get in the way of him being a father he has type one diabetes epilepsy and has had several concussions to his frontal lobe," she recalled.
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Once he moved home, the two had little contact. She tried to call or FaceTime him so that he could speak with Max, but Luke refused. He ignored most of her calls and instead went out and partied with his friends.
Just a few months after she and Luke separated, she began dating her now-husband, Ben. Max was finally able to have a father figure in his life as Ben stepped up and took on his parental duties seriously. He treated Max no differently than his two biological sons who were just a year older than her son.
"Six months after Ben and I got married he adopted Max. The adoption was uncontested as Luke signed his parental rights away. Since then I have heard nothing about Luke wanting to see his son."
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Now, Luke is going through some medical issues and has reached out to inform her that he's having a daughter with his girlfriend due on Max's birthday. He inquired if Max would be able to come and meet his baby sister, but she refused.
"His mother then reached out to me and asked me if Max could FaceTime Luke to lift his spirits because he’s going through a difficult time medically and mentally. She has also not been part of Max’s life for the past six years. I told her no that I don’t believe that that’s appropriate."
She explained that Max was aware of Luke, and whenever he asked questions about his father, she answered them honestly. When he questioned why his father was not involved in his life, she told him Luke was sick and couldn't take care of Max because he could barely take care of himself.
Despite putting her foot down on her son meeting his father, she was questioning if that was the right decision.
She wondered if there was a point in time when she should introduce Max to Luke, or if she should continue to protect her son from being hurt by his father again.
In the comments section, people agreed that it was probably safe to keep Max away from Luke until the little boy grew older.
"Your son is not your ex's comfort device. I wouldn't allow him back into your lives because it's not about your son, it about him. If he ever comes to you with a request that isn't selfish in its roots, maybe reconsider then," one Reddit user suggested.
Another user added, "It hurts more to have the absentee parent come and go than to just leave and be an idea of a person. Coming from experience the best thing you can do is keep your son away from the man until he’s old enough to choose."
"I think you're doing the right thing. If he wants contact, he can prove it. He can send letters/emails for a while. Then move to phone calls when you're comfortable. This 'now' attitude for video calls is uncalled for," a third user chimed in.
It's understandable that this mother would want to protect her son from getting his hopes up that his father will actually want to be present in his life this time around.
Of course, setting feelings aside, Max has a right to know his father and have a relationship with him, but it's also up to Luke to prove that he means what he says this time and isn't going to disappear again. Before, Max was only three months old, but now, at the age of six, his father leaving again could have a serious impact.
At the end of the day, the decision for Max to meet his father is up to his mother. It's her decision, and she is obviously putting her son first, as she wants to shield him from heartbreak while also thinking about his future desires.
Nia Tipton is a Chicago-based entertainment, news, and lifestyle writer whose work delves into modern-day issues and experiences.