Terminally Ill Mom Asks For Advice From People Who Lost Their Moms Young — 'I Want Her To Know She'll Never Be Alone'
She wants to ensure her memory lives on.
RDNE Stock Project The mother of a two-month-old baby wrote to the r/parenting subreddit with a heartbreaking request, looking for guidance through an agonizing life turn. She explained that she was recently diagnosed with “a very aggressive form of ALS,” or amyotrophic lateral sclerosis, a fatal neurodegenerative disease.
The terminally ill mom asked for advice from people who lost their moms young because she wants her newborn daughter to know ‘she’ll never be alone.’
She described the heartwrenching details of receiving a terminal diagnosis, saying that “knowing I won’t live to see her walk or talk or get to know her personality is pain beyond imaginable.”
Photo: Tomsickova Tatyana / Shutterstock
The mom asked people in the Reddit community who’d lost their moms “if there is anything you would have liked to have had from your mom that would have helped you and made you feel loved by her, even though you don’t remember her.”
Even after she's gone, the mom wants her daughter to know "how much she was loved by me and that she will never be alone."
She’s been actively seeking ways to ensure that her memory stays alive after she’s gone — a way to make meaning out of her pain. She shared one way she found to commemorate her life and share herself with her daughter: She bought 75 books ranging in age from 0 to 12 and plans to write a special message on the inside covers.
“I can't bring myself to record videos because I start crying too much,” she revealed.
The mom received an outpouring of support from the Reddit forum — including advice from those who lost a parent young.
People expressed how deeply sorry they were and vocalized how cruel life can be, often for no reason.
Other parents urged her to create tokens that hold meaning for her to give to her daughter, such as “a birthday card for every year until 18; an heirloom piece that you value and are willing to part from… Your favorite photo of you and your baby. Write the message and date on the back.”
Photo: Prostock-studio / Shutterstock
Another person suggested she write cards and letters to her daughter that will last through her 30s, as “a girl’s 20s can be really tough as she’s setting up life, and some pieces of advice for those ages would be so sweet.”
“Do the video anyway, even if you cry,” advised one person, touching on the value of passing along her image, voice, and presence.
“I think videos would be very special and crying will teach her it's okay to cry about loss, which is important,” said someone else. “I think when she's growing up they will help her immensely.”
Another person suggested that the mom take videos of herself doing “mundane, everyday things — While you do the dishes [or] get ready for the day,” so her daughter can see the simple, small elements of her mom’s life.
“It’s okay to cry in the videos,” reiterated another user. “It’s okay to cry a lot in the videos. Keep doing them. You’ll get used to them. She will treasure them… Just talk to her. Talk to her about everything.”
Photo: Leszek Glasner / Shutterstock
There’s no clear or easy answer to the extreme grief that this mother and her daughter are moving through. Her daughter will most likely carry a sense of sadness and loss for the rest of her life. Yet what is clear is how much love exists between them, even now. This mother’s love is a love that will last, reverberating as her daughter grows, all the while holding the legacy of the life her mother shared with her.
Alexandra Blogier is a writer on YourTango's news and entertainment team. She covers parenting, pop culture, and all things to do with the entertainment industry.