Baby Gear Brand Urges Moms Not To Use Gates To 'Restrict' Their Babies So They Become 'Self-Assured'
They're all about allowing babies to learn by roaming freely. But the demand it places on parents is untenable for many.
ronstik / Shutterstock Many parents' approach to child-rearing in recent years has become kinder, gentler, and more hands-on than previous generations.
But a recommendation from a baby gear company has some critics asking if things are going a bit too far and causing an untenable load on parents.
Baby gear brand Modern Nursery is urging moms not to use baby gates, saying they 'restrict' a baby's development.
Parenting has undergone a bit of a seismic shift in recent years, as expert advice has transitioned toward approaches like gentle parenting that are more focused on tailoring child-rearing to the realities of babies and children's neurological, emotional, and cognitive development.
It's a trend that seems to keep growing and growing as more Millennials and Gen Zs enter parenthood, and Modern Nursery, a baby gear brand created by two parents named Amber and Brian, seems to have been founded to address the needs and wants of this new generation of parents.
As part of the promotion of their business, they often share parenting tips on Instagram and TikTok, gleaned from their own lives as mom and dad to their adorable baby.
But a recent post they made urging moms not to use baby gates has stirred up quite a bit of controversy for the way it seems to directly speak to the underbelly of new approaches to parenting: the expectation that parents commit to nothing short of 100% unwavering, nonstop attention to their baby.
Modern Nursery theorizes that baby gates deny babies opportunities to become 'self-assured.'
Over a video of them repeatedly redirecting their adorable baby as they crawl toward some stairs in their home, Amber and Brian explained their philosophy on their more free-range parenting approach when it comes to safety, and how not using baby gates is "empowering" to their little one.
"Empowering children to manage their environment leads to having confidence and strong self-esteem," they wrote in their video's caption. "So, rather than restrict our baby’s environment with baby gates, we chose to teach him how to get down safely from raised ledges."
They added that babies who are raised "dependent upon a controlled environment … may feel disadvantaged" when in places that aren't as rigidly structured as the home, "and [parents] will likely be on edge trying to keep them safe."
They instead approached things like stairs or the edges of furniture as an opportunity for their little one to "practice" navigating these potentially dangerous features of the home, and noticed it made their baby become "more self-assured."
But many parents felt urging moms not to use baby gates created an unmanageable demand that they must never take their eyes off their baby, ever.
"I feel like there’s this really disturbing trend in parenting philosophies online," writer and mom Lucy Huber wrote in a tweet, "where people are like, 'it’s your job as a parent to be 100% present for your kid at all times to teach them how to be a person and anything that isn’t that is bad.' Even a BABY GATE."
Photo: @clhubes / X
She characterized Amber and Brian's recommendation as an extreme swing of the pendulum, writing in a follow-up tweet, "You can teach your child to use the stairs and ALSO have a baby gate to keep them safe in case, perhaps, you aren’t a 100% perfect parent at all times."
Of course, we must also point out the elephant in the room; being THIS focused on your baby's whereabouts and activities is not feasible for parents who work, even if they do that job from home. Truly undivided round-the-clock attention is a luxury nearly nobody has.
This was reflected in the responses to Amber and Brian's post, which ranged from bemused to downright outraged. "This is one of the most insane parenting takes I’ve ever seen," one mom wrote on Instagram. "It’s asinine to expect parents to be able to watch their child’s literal every move, especially when you have multiple children."
"This ... feels judgmental of something that nobody has ever suggested inhibits human development (the baby gate)," another parent noted, and another mom agreed. "Wait, you mean safety precautions are actually hindering my children’s development?" she snarked. "I’ll just tell them Draino is bad for them and I’m sure that will be enough."
Of course, Amber and Brian's perspective may not be entirely off-base. Studies have repeatedly shown a link between overprotective or so-called "helicopter parenting" and struggles with anxiety and depression later in life.
Scientists have even posited helicopter parenting's lack of space to explore and experiment could be one of the factors fueling the epidemic of mental health problems among Gen Z and Gen Alpha. There is something to be said for allowing kids room to roam and learn by doing and making mistakes. That's how we all learn most of what we learn in life, after all.
But the reactions Amber and Brian elicited, especially from parents whose lives did not have the sort of freedom that owning your own successful business provides were very telling. And recent studies have found that parents, especially moms, are crumbling under the weight of the workload they're carrying.
It might be time we all temper our approach to overhauling parenting just a bit. No baby is going to miss out on important developmental milestones because of a baby gate, and parents need to do whatever they can to do their job to the best of their ability.
Striking that balance is hard enough already. Put up the dang baby gate.
John Sundholm is a news and entertainment writer who covers pop culture, social justice, and human interest topics