There Are Only 4 Types Of Emotionally Immature People — And Just One Way To Deal With Each One Of Them
You probably know at least one of each. You even be on yourself.
Alina Rosanova / Shutterstock We've all encountered emotionally immature people at some point in our lives. Whether it be our spouse, family member, or friend — it can understandably be draining to deal with these individuals on a day-to-day basis.
Holistic psychologist Dr. Nicole LePera says emotionally immature people fall into one of four specific types: the provoker, the blame projector, the personalizer, and the life of the party. Knowing which type you are dealing with, she says, "can empower you to deal with them in healthy ways."
4 Types of Emotionally Immature People And How To Deal With Each
1. The Provoker
The provoker, also known as the drama starter, is the person who knows how to push your buttons.
Kurt Smith, PsyD, LMFT, LPCC, AFC, suggests that their knack for drama may stem from life experiences, such as neglectful parents or parents with mental health issues of their own. And it makes perfect sense! Children need their parents’ validation, and if they don’t receive any they act out, which can later develop into drama-seeking tendencies.
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The provoker doesn’t necessarily know just how much of an impact their actions can have on themselves. The highs and lows of constantly engaging in drama can have devasting consequences on their body. Since they are in constant stress mode, they produce excess adrenaline that affects other areas of their body.
Combine this with high blood pressure, sleeping problems, and eating disturbances and you now have a recipe for disaster.
How to deal with the provoker:
According to LePera, the best way to deal with a provoker is by refusing to respond to their "emotional bait." This will cause them to look for validation elsewhere, meaning they will leave you alone.
2. The Blame Projector
You know that one person who cries, “Why is it always me?” This individual is known as the blame projector. The blame projector refuses to take accountability for their actions. They will constantly ask you for favors without ever fixing their own behavior.
If you ever had the displeasure of dealing with a family member who constantly asks for money without taking financial responsibility, you know a blame projector!
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Blaming others helps us protect our ego and avoid vulnerability, says mental health and well-being expert Andrea M. Darcy, but at the same, playing the victim makes you feel powerless and stunts your personal growth.
When nothing is ever your fault, you are saying you have no control over any aspect of your life, which can lead to feeling powerless.
How to deal with a blame projector:
Dealing with a blame projector requires a bit of tough love. Keep your responses brief and assure them that they can handle life’s challenges, says LePera. This reinforces the idea that you fully believe in their ability to figure things out.
3. The Personalizer
“Omg, I am the worst person ever!” Ever heard this? The personalizer is the person who takes everything, well, personally.
If you offer them any feedback, a personalizer will collapse and instantly go to extremes. Forget jumping to conclusions, the personalizer somersaults to the worst of conclusions. Feeling insecure, the personalizer isn't so much blaming themselves as they are hoping you will offer them reassurance.
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How to deal with the personalizer:
LePera suggests allowing the personalizer to express their feelings without either invalidating them or trying to fix things on their behalf.
4. The Life Of The Party
We all know and love the life of the party. You know, the person always cracking jokes and enthralling people with their wild stories? But despite being enjoyable to be around, the life of the party is completely irresponsible and self-centered.
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It may be surprising but these self-centered individuals can be dangerously impulsive and self-focused. They may also harbor deep insecurities about themselves.
How to deal with the life of the party:
It’s essential that when dealing with the life of the party, you don’t allow yourself to feel pressured to bail them and allow them to face their own consequences, writes LePera.
Otherwise you risk enabling them, perpetuating a cycle of irresponsibility. In the long run, this can have devastating consequences for everyone involved.
Dealing with emotionally immature people is a common experience, but by learning how to navigate this relationship you can protect your mental and emotional well-being in the process.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, and family topics.