Woman Says People Should Not Have Kids If They Are Not Financially And Emotionally Stable Because They 'Don't Have What It Takes'
While her statement may come across as offensive to some, she makes valid points.
Natalia Lebedinskaia / Shutterstock Everyone who has children can attest that while it can be one of the best things that will happen to you, the experience is financially and emotionally draining.
However, many people who want to be parents fail to realize this and decide to have children simply because they want to without proper planning. What many people do not understand is that by having children before you are financially and emotionally prepared for it, you are only hurting yourself and them.
A woman explained why having children is selfish when you are not financially or emotionally stable.
Responding to another man’s TikTok video where he stated, “If you are really poor, you should not be having kids,” a woman, named Jay, backed up his claim. While she acknowledged that the belief may be offensive to some people, especially those who have children despite their poor financial situation, she explained why more of us should be taking this viewpoint seriously.
“Children are not dolls … you don’t just get one just because you want one,” Jay said. “If you don’t have the means to take care of a child, why are you having kids? It’s not even eugenics, it's just common sense.”
Jay added that being a parent comes with certain requirements. “You don’t have to be a millionaire. But you should have enough money to feed your child every single day and clothe them, and not have them living a life of struggle,” she said. “I don’t think that’s asking for a lot.”
Not only should people be financially stable before having children, but they should also be emotionally well.
Photo: SeventyFour from Getty Images / Canva Pro
If a parent is not in a good place emotionally, they may take out all of their pent-up frustrations on their innocent children. “You resort to beating a child when they make mistakes, and you spiral over the smallest things, you don’t have what it takes to be a parent,” Jay said. “You think the only reason you need to have a child is simply because you want one.”
Jay claimed that having a child is “inherently selfish,” and that being financially stable is the least you can do for your child.
“Children who grew up in poverty will tell you all that you should wait until you’re financially stable to have kids, but y’all don’t want to listen,” she concluded. “You just want to have a little doll that you can play dress-up with.”
An overwhelming majority of people agreed with her claims that desire is not enough of a reason to be a parent.
“The desire to have kids is not enough of a reason to have them,” one TikTok user commented. “I’m so tired of seeing people complain about money and then say they’re trying for another,” another user wrote. “I had to argue with my dad on this and he said that if they love them enough it shouldn’t matter ... Love doesn’t pay the bills or feed and clothe you,” another user pointed out.
Children are far from affordable. According to an Expenditures on Children by Families report the estimated cost of raising just one child in 2023 totals up to $15,512.52 to $17,459.53 per year.
Children are so much more than accessories to hold and cuddle. They require food, water, a place to sleep, clothes, medical care, and education, all of which cost far more than most people anticipate.
Not only are parents responsible for financially providing for their children, but they also must ensure that they are ready for the emotional stress that can come with having children.
There are bound to be sleepless nights, moments where they test your patience, and, days that leave you questioning why you even had them in the first place. Still, these are not valid excuses to resent the children that you actively decided to have. The emotional environment at home can quickly become traumatizing for children whose parents had them before they were ready.
While some of us would love to have the opportunity to have families of our own someday, it is important to remember that if we are willing to become parents, all factors that come with raising children must be considered beforehand.
Children owe their parents nothing. Parents owe their children everything.
Megan Quinn is a writer at YourTango who covers entertainment and news, self, love, and relationships.