Man Invites His Parents To Live With Him & His Girlfriend Without Getting Her Permission Because He 'Gets To Decide Who Lives In His Home'
It’s great to value your parents’ needs, but what about your girlfriend’s needs?
4 PM production / Shutterstock If your parents are getting older, it's natural to open your home to them so you can look after them. But if you live with your partner, shouldn’t they also be involved in the decision?
One man invited his parents to live with him without talking to his girlfriend first.
In an AITA Reddit post, a man shared how he and his girlfriend, both 34 years old, have been together for around five to seven months. They live together in his house and have begun discussing marriage.
He explained how his parents were getting older and he had just recently moved to the U.S. He suggested the idea that they move closer to him, and they agreed. However, he didn’t just want them to live nearby. He wanted them to be close enough to look after. So, he invited them to live with him in his house.
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Taking care of your parents as they age is a natural and noble thing to do, but the man should have involved his girlfriend in the decision.
The man told his girlfriend ‘he gets to decide who lives in his house.’
When his girlfriend found out, she was less than pleased and expressed how he couldn’t just invite someone else to live with them without talking to her first. He replied saying his parents were not just "someone else."
Nonetheless, she shared her extreme discomfort and disagreement with the idea and asked him why he had decided to move them in. He told her, “Well, they are my parents, and I want to look after them. I am not asking you to do that either.”
The man claimed she protested his efforts to take care of his parents, saying he was "valuing them more than her" and that he should just send them to a senior living center. Needless to say, that didn't go over well. “It’s against my values to just abandon my parents once they get old.”
He confessed he lost his temper and told her to mind her own business, saying, “I get to decide who lives in my house, so don’t interfere in my affairs.”
People were quick to point out his mishandling of the situation.
The majority of Reddit users agreed the man was wrong for his dismissal of his girlfriend’s feelings.
“It may be your house. That may give you the raw power to authorize your parents to stay. But your partner has wants, desires, needs, and feelings too. And it would be a huge shock to suddenly go from living with a partner to living with them and their parents,” one person commented. “You didn't even discuss it. You just decided you had the power to do it and did it. Then you basically told her to [be quiet] when she voiced concern,” another pointed out.
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It can be difficult to navigate prioritizing both your family and your relationship. While the man was not wrong for wanting to care for his parents, he was failing to see the bigger picture.
His girlfriend was left out of his decision to invite his parents into their home. While to him, he was simply exemplifying an admirable son’s behavior, to her, she was being told she held no weight or value in their relationship.
The man’s actions were dismissive toward his girlfriend’s feelings and indicative of an insensitive partner.
This situation was an opportunity for the man to openly discuss his desire to care for his parents with his girlfriend, allowing her to be involved in his decision. They could have come to a solution together, where both of their feelings were heard and respected.
Instead, the man excluded her entirely. He did not see the need to ask his girlfriend how this decision might make her feel.
If he was truly considering marrying his girlfriend, this situation was a snapshot of his struggles with communication and conflict resolution. His lack of respect demonstrated egocentric, one-sided behavior.
A true marriage is a partnership of two individuals who come together to navigate life’s journey as one. A successful marriage thrives on the bedrock of mutual respect and a genuine valuation of each other’s feelings.
While the house may be his, and he may pay the mortgage himself, it was still wrong for him to disregard his girlfriend and give her no say in his decision to invite his parents to live with them.
Francesca Duarte is a writer on YourTango's news and entertainment team based in Orlando, FL. She covers lifestyle, human-interest, and spirituality topics.