Mom's Sad Revelation Explains Why Husbands Have Fun Hobbies And Wives Take Up Baking
She pointed out that women often have to think about the best hobbies that coincide with childcare and household responsibilities.
MAYA LAB / Shutterstock A woman has started a conversation about how often wives and mothers struggle with finding hobbies that take them outside of the house while husbands and fathers can do it easily.
In a TikTok video, Paige Connell, a content creator and mom-of-four, revealed that there is a serious "discrepancy" in the type of hobbies that men and women in heteronormative relationships choose to partake in.
Women often do hobbies that keep them in the home while men are afforded the luxury of having hobbies outside of it.
"Male hobbies typically take them outside of the home during the daytime, during caretaking hours. Female hobbies often revolve around the schedules of their partner and their children, and account for the domestic labor that they are handling," Paige began in her video.
She explained that the big difference in husband and wife hobbies is that men can find time to do activities during the day, like golfing, rock climbing, and hunting, which all require a large time commitment that can't be done at night or during hours when the children are around. Women usually have to take on more traditional hobbies, such as gardening, painting, cooking, reading, or baking, which can be done in short spurts and can accommodate the schedules of everyone else. 'Mom hobbies' also tend to benefit the household.
Women often do hobbies that they can either involve their children in or do while watching their children as well.
Paige noted that she loves doing yoga, but will only typically go to a class early in the morning when her children are still asleep so she can make it back home to get them ready for the day.
"The reason they're able to do that is because when men get married, they gain free time and women lose free time in heteronormative relationships because they take on the unpaid labor and mental load at home," Connell continued. "Men are able to leave the home for those extended periods of time during caretaking hours because they have the support at home."
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According to the Pew Research Center, a majority of women (59%) say they do more household chores than their spouse or partner, while 6% say their spouse or partner does more. Among men, 46% say these responsibilities are shared equally, while 20% say they do more, and 34% say their spouse or partner does more.
For childcare, about three-quarters (74%) of mothers say they do more to manage their children’s schedules and activities than their spouse or partner; only 3% say their husband or partner does more.
Connell acknowledged that many women don't feel supported at home to be able to leave and do their own thing.
"If they were to look at their husband and say, 'Hey, I also would like to take up golfing, but I don't want to golf with you. I want to golf in a woman's league and we're gonna golf every Sunday for five hours. Are you good to take care of the kids?' they might be met with a response that is unfair."
Connell claimed that oftentimes, men find an issue with being left with all of the childcare and household responsibilities that their other partner would usually take care of. As she noted, this level of thinking is not an equal division of labor.
"This is where the discrepancies are when it comes to hobbies in a heteronormative relationship and why it does matter and plays into the domestic labor, mental load, and caretaking of children," Connell said.
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Connell's assessment rings true, and according to a study from the Office of National Statistics, the 'Gender Hobby Gap' finds that women aren't as likely as men to have hobbies and things they like to do outside of being mothers and wives. The study found that women are less likely to have a hobby because they spend more time on unpaid labor such as housework or childcare.
"As far as society has come in terms of women’s rights, heterosexual two-parent families still often find themselves falling into outdated gender roles where moms take on the bulk of the parenting responsibilities, lose autonomy and have drastic identify shifts," mental health therapist Christina Furnival told PureWow.
"Mothers are often the mental load keepers," Furnival continued. "At the same time that they are busy parenting their children, they are keeping track of groceries, house duties, cleaning, errands, clothing needs, doctor appointments, family commitments, and the list goes on and on. Holding the weight of these responsibilities is incredibly taxing, and does not leave much space for dreaming up, planning for, and actually doing fun things such as hobbies."
In partnerships, the keyword is being a partner and supporting your significant other's desire to have a life outside of being a parent and caretaker. Women are more than mothers, we're more than wives, and we have our own dreams, aspirations, and goals that shouldn't be hindered by the outdated roles attached to parenthood.
Nia Tipton is a Chicago-based entertainment, news, and lifestyle writer whose work delves into modern-day issues and experiences.