Find Your 'Third' With The Best Polyamorous Dating App You Probably Haven't Heard Of
Makes dating as a polyamorous couple easy and enjoyable.
Ivan Moreno sl via Canva If you've ever swiped through dating apps, you know how hard it can be to find the right match.
Dating apps have saturated the market, which makes it even harder to connect with like-minded people. Most dating apps center around hook-up culture and are geared specifically to cis-gendered people seeking monogamous relationships.
But what if you don't fit into those particular categories? It can be hard for poly couples or singles to find people on apps who are seeking the same thing: Open-minded people in open relationships, looking to connect.
Luckily, there's now a better way for polyamorous people to find each other: 3Fun, an app made specifically for polyamorous dating. 3Fun is an inclusive safe space, and it's the best dating app for poly couples.
But don’t just take our word for it. Actual 3Fun user Greg Dylan*, a 35-year-old real estate agent from Seattle, Washington, has used the app to explore the poly lifestyle and ended up finding love in the process.
Why do some people choose polyamory?
Polyamory is an alternative relationship structure to monogamy. The word itself is rooted in Greek and Latin, meaning "many loves." While it's often misconstrued, polyamory is based on multiple people practicing informed consent and cultivating emotional connections.
Photo: cottonbro studio / Pexels via Canva
Dylan revealed he chose the poly lifestyle after "a hard breakup made [him] take a look at [himself] and reflect on what [he] truly wanted out of life. And it wasn't what [he] was getting."
You see, polyamorous people don’t view love as a resource that can be depleted; rather, love is something that’s enhanced by sharing it among different people at the same time.
Dylan spoke on the topic, saying he loves love and never wants to limit himself by committing to only one person at a time: "Of course, I make sure everyone knows this upfront. That's why 3Fun is so useful. People on the app are very open and usually already know the deal. It's made my life a lot easier."
Dylan discussed the initial awkwardness and figuring out if there was a ranking system of some sort when he first became involved in polyamory.
“I just didn’t know what to expect. You see it in some shows and think, ‘Oh so there is one main person and everyone else is secondary’, but it doesn’t work like that. It's hard to explain, but we are all on an equal playing field. We are all valued the same. If one person feels left out or isn’t getting what they need, we all come together to figure out how to make it better.”
Being part of a polyamorous couple can be a mind-expanding and heart-opening experience. People in open relationships may discover a deeper form of intimacy with their partners, due to the very act of not being monogamous.
There are tangible benefits to living a sexually explorative lifestyle, including getting to know yourself and your partner more deeply. Sharing new sexual experiences can bring couples closer, as exploring different parts of your desires is an incredibly intimate act.
For Dylan, it's been a life-changing experience.
"I have actually been able to rediscover aspects of myself that have been long buried due to shame. But after using the app and accepting who I am, I have been able to truly explore my sexuality and sexual preferences without being shamed for it," Dylan revealed. "I mean, many of the people on the app are in the same boat as me, trying to figure out what they do or don't like, and finding ways to express that with other people."
Here's why 3Fun is the best app out there for polyamorous couples
1. 3Fun’s mission is dedicated to helping you find like-minded people
Whether you’re part of a polyamorous couple, or you’re a single individual seeking other polyamorous people, 3Fun is dedicated to being a safe space for people to explore whatever form their relationship desires take.
Dylan has been using the app for a little over a year and has found like-minded people he has fallen in and out of love with. It's a testament to the success of the app.
"I have had several sexual partners, but have really only fallen in love with 3 people,” Dylan says. "I met Hayden* [a 36-year-old musician] first. He had a lot of friends who were also poly and helped me learn the ropes — what was okay, what you never should do. It usually involved common decency like not going behind people's backs.”
Dylan said his life with Hayden was exciting and romantic, but he felt it was missing something or someone.
“Justin* [a 30-year-old writer] is the kind of guy who lights up any room with his smile. His laugh is contagious and he can cheer me up by simply breathing next to me. I knew I wanted to be with him the instant we locked eyes. I brought the idea up to Hayden and he gave me his signature smile and said let’s do it.”
Dylan said it was great until Justin moved in with them. It made them have conversations like who sleeps where. “Like, do we have a chore chart like we're in college?!” he laughed while speaking about it.
Photo: 3Fun
“It was honestly a humbling experience and it wasn’t until Jessica* [33-year-old chef] came into the picture that we actually got things on track. She was a sweetheart. Kind to everyone, but she knew how to manage an apartment and those awkward conversations really well. After a week, we were all on the same page and could have open and honest conversations like a well-oiled machine.”
He explained how they slept in schedules because of how small their apartment was, saying, "We originally all wanted to sleep in one bed, but four people in one bed is crowded and we didn't have the space. So Jessica came up with a sleep schedule. We would switch off with who slept with whom. And if there were arguments we would swap."
Dylan also spoke about how things were always exciting thanks to the jobs they all had. Hayden and Jessica were often coming in late and Justin and Dylan would sometimes end up staying up to greet them. "It would end with a 2 a.m. movie and us all laughing in the living room just chatting."
Dylan reminisced, saying it was one of his happiest times with all three of them in that cozy Seattle apartment: “All four of us were in a committed relationship for about 5 months before Jessica* and Hayden* left due to differences."
When asked about what happened, Dylan simply said, "They ended up only wanting to share their love with each other. I'm super happy for them. They found what they wanted. It's what any of us want to find. I'm still with Justin and we are currently looking for a third... and fourth."
2. 3Fun users can create a couples account
On 3Fun, couples can come together to find a third in two different ways.
A couple can make one shared account on the app. Upon signing up, couples specify their gender identities and set up a single account with both their information. By creating a shared account, you and your partner can review all messages and connections together, on separate devices.
Photo: 3Fun
Dylan said he's currently using a couple's account with Justin to find new partners for their intimate relationship: "Justin is really into open communication — I am too, but he's really adamant about everyone knowing everything. He was the one who figured using a couples account would be best; that way, both of us get notified about messages and pings. It's actually been great to have."
3. 3Fun promotes ethical relationship exploration
3Fun’s mission is to support couples in open relationships and single polyamorous people in their efforts to find each other. The app encourages you to explore your relationship desires by experimenting with like-minded people. 3Fun wants you to find what you want!
Dylan revealed that he probably wouldn’t have ever found out his sexual preferences without the help of the app, adding, “It just makes it so easy. Like I said, everyone on the app is in the same boat. We are all just trying to find what we like and what’s important to us sexually.”
He continued, “I found out I enjoy having intimacy with at least two other people at a time and 3Fun made that happen for me. So I’m sort of grateful in a weird way.”
Photo: 3Fun
Quick Tips for Finding a ‘Third’ From An Actual User
1. When you’re making your profile, include recent photos of the two of you together, doing things you each enjoy
Dylan advised, "We included good photos of everyone involved, so our profile has pictures of both me and Justin on it, and they're recent. I have a beard now and Justin has his new tattoo in a photo. So, we will show up like what our pictures show. There will be no confusion there."
2. Remember that you don’t have to rush into anything
Finding the right match for both you and your partner takes time. Once you do find a match, get to know each other online before meeting up in person. When you do decide to meet up, make sure it’s in a public place.
"Justin is more cautious when it comes to letting a third come in — and I totally get that. So if you have any issues, you should communicate with your partner before letting anyone in the bedroom whether it's with your partner or by yourself. Don't go behind people's backs. That's just a bad move," Dylan said.
3. Be honest and clear with both your partner and your potential third about what you want
Open, direct communication is a key part of having a successful, satisfying threesome.
Set clear boundaries before the intimate part starts. Talk about what you’re okay with and what you’re not okay with. Everyone’s safety and comfort level should be the top priority.
“When Hayden and Jessica left, I felt sort of bummed and abandoned in some way. But I was truly happy that they felt safe enough to have that conversation with us. I was grateful they didn’t feel threatened or suffocated by the relationship but found what they wanted and were able to voice it,” Dylan admitted.
“Justin has come around as well. He puts his all into his relationships, so it may take a bit more time, but he’s excited to find more love on the horizon. And so am I.”
When you’re looking for a third, being yourselves goes a long way. It might be nerve-wracking at first, but being vulnerable, open, and honest is essential to creating meaningful connections.
—Created in partnership with 3Fun
(*Names have been changed for the privacy of 3Fun's customers)
Alexandra Blogier is a writer on YourTango's news and entertainment team. She covers dating and relationships, as well as social and political issues within the LGBTQIA+ community.