If You Want To Keep A Spouse, Don't Be A Couch Creature
This is an issue that many women have complained about.
Jacob Lund | Canva Michelle is a friend of mine who always considered herself to be a bit geeky, and that’s great for her. She has no problem watching anime, playing an occasional board game, or sitting for an afternoon playing Grand Theft Auto.
But, like most people, she also likes to go out and about. She wants to do things—whether it’s going to a friend’s place, hitting a party, or even checking out that new bar down the street. It’s not healthy to be content seeing no one in person, nor is it healthy to be fine not leaving the home without it being work or shopping-related.
When she met Isaiah, I honestly thought it was a match made in heaven. They met at a game store, loved all the same franchises, got the same action figures and more. Soon, they fell in love and moved in together.
That’s when the problem started.
Isaiah was out and about whenever they were together and just dating. However, when they moved in together, Isaiah all but stopped going out. The only time he left the house without complaint was when he was working. Other than that, it’s a no go.
He didn’t even leave the couch when Michelle asked him to go get some food for her. Instead, he Doordashed. A new restaurant opened up down the street. Michelle wanted to go. Isaiah kept putting it off until she blew up at him.
Begrudgingly, he went and wouldn’t stop fussing until the date was over. His pressure to go back home immediately ruined the experience. Michelle cried on the way back home. Eventually, she started to go out with friends.
Michelle met someone new who was more willing to go out, and promptly dumped Isaiah. Isaiah, for the record, was shocked and couldn’t understand why she left him. The truth is, this is a complaint I keep seeing online.
Online, one of the biggest complaints women have deals with men being couch-locked.
Go on any woman-centric relationship forum, be it Reddit’s r/TwoXChromosome or FDS, and you’ll be bound to hear about a scenario similar to Michelle’s. It always starts out the same: guy was great until they moved in together or got married.
Then, it’s as if he’s been made out of cement. He’s hard to move out of the house. He grumbles about date night. He moans when it comes to even the most simple of chores that involve spending time with the girl—to the point that the girl realizes she’s no longer a priority to him.
I’ve seen this pattern called a lot of things. I’ve seen it called a “bait and switch,” being a “WOW widow,” and also being used as a mommy-bangmaid. FDS, though they have a lot of toxic views, actually came up with a good term for it: Couch Creatures.
I’ll let guys in on a little secret most men don’t seem to know about women and attraction.
Wanna know what it is? It’s simple. Very few things kill a woman’s attraction to a man like not doing anything but sitting on the couch. This is true for both chores and going out with your girlfriend.
When it comes to chores, trying to sabotage them so that your partner takes them on might work short-term. Long-term, it kills her drive for you because she starts seeing you more like a child or a chore than a sexual being.
When it comes to going out, sitting your ass on the couch and not moving is just not healthy. That makes for a boring partner and also tells your partner that her joy doesn’t matter to you. (Or rather, it shows her how low of a priority she is.)
Either way, it’s not a good look.
People don’t get into a relationship with someone because they want to watch them sit on a couch all day while they work. They don’t! Even if they liked you to begin with, being glued to a couch most of the time will kill their interest.
I think most men don’t realize how bad of an issue this becomes until their girlfriend or wife walks out the door.
It’s so easy to just say that you’re going to “just stay in one night more,” especially when you are in a job that wears you out. It’s easy to say “she won’t mind” one time too many.
You know why? Because you’re comfortable when you’re on that couch. It’s nice to sit down and just “do you” knowing that the person you’re with is cooking dinner or taking care of the laundry.
But…what about your partner?
Most people don’t want to be stuck at home when they are bored, especially if you’re doing an activity that doesn’t include them. Most people also don’t want to pick up after another adult—especially if they’re already tired and feeling neglected.
It’s easy to just assume that you can keep pushing chores off on someone, but that’s not true. Eventually, even the most patient partner will get sick of it and leave. More importantly, if you’re couchlocked, you’re also stagnating on your own personal life.
The best memories with someone else are not made sitting on a couch playing video games or binge-watching Avatar for the eighth time in a row. They’re made by talking to people, observing life, and looking at the things that you can’t find on YouTube.
With that said, if you want to live the #couchlife, I won’t stop you.
As weird as it is, I know a lot of people who seem to be pretty content doing nothing but working, ordering pizza, and playing video games with a brief interlude for a bar outing alone. Being blissful at home is valid as a lifestyle as long as you are self-sufficient.
If you want to be an extreme homebody who rarely ever sees someone else in your life, that’s fine. If you want to hang out alone without anyone else asking you to change your schedule up, that’s fine, too.
If you’re about #couchlife, go for it. Just don’t drag others into that couch-locked world. That’s not what healthy relationships look like, and that’s not what the vast majority of women want, either.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, Newtheory Magazine, and others.