Married Mom Of 3 Admits She Secretly Hates Her Life & Regrets Having Children — 'I'm Basically An Unpaid Chef & Maid'
The kids tell her how much they hate her and refuse to listen.
Nicoleta Ionescu/ViDI Studio - Shutterstock As much as society would like to believe that for women, becoming a wife and a mother is the end-all and be-all, the truth is that becoming a mom is a mixed bag of love, frustration, joy, and exhaustion. It requires you to give yourself to others unconditionally and oftentimes, neglect the self-care that you desperately need. Many women lose themselves in motherhood and by the time they realize it, have deep regrets about how much time has passed.
One such woman took to Reddit to confess her darkest regrets about marriage and motherhood.
The 38-year-old mom admits she loves her three kids, but deeply regrets having them.
In a Reddit post that was reposted on TikTok, the remorseful mom recalled how much her life changed 12 years ago, feeling like it ended with the birth of her eldest child.
"I essentially became a full-time nanny, a chef, and a maid for free for little humans," she said.
She forfeited her career and dedicated her entire life to the kids. Though she spent nine months carrying them, she felt they showed her little respect, and don't seem to be that fond of her. One would hope that her husband would be a welcome helping hand when he arrives home, but sadly, no. The two are rarely even intimate when they can find the time to be alone.
She is dissatisfied with what her body looks like and blames childbirth for her perceived physical flaws.
Some of the "battle scars" she points out are two c-section incision marks, discolored nipples that still express milk from time to time, and a leaky bladder that requires her to wear pantyliners around the clock due to incontinence.
"Honestly pregnancy and childbirth are the worst things that have ever happened to me," the woman admitted. Her husband had agreed to a vasectomy after their third child, something she was grateful for. But in her opinion, the damage is done.
The kids verbalize their disdain for their mom and refuse to listen to her directions. Because she has experienced growing up with a "bad mom" she compensates by trying to take the best care of her family and home, but always feels unappreciated. She is counting down the days until all three children are grown and gone but fears that she might not make it that far. But she is also doubtful about what the future holds. To her, once the kids are out of the house and she's 50, too much time will have passed for her and her husband to reignite the passion they once shared. She truly believes that by deciding to have children, she gave up any hope for romance and intimacy in her life.
RELATED: I Love My Kids, But I Regret Becoming A Mom
It's hard for women to admit that they are struggling with motherhood and husbands often believe their wives have it easy.
Let's face it; admitting you regret becoming a mom has a huge stigma attached to it, but it shouldn't. As many as one in 10 moms regret motherhood, and just suffer in silence instead of sharing their fears. However, the issue likely lies in suffering in silence because it's more about the sacrifices women have to make rather than motherhood itself that causes regret.
Pastor and relationship coach, RJ Blakes, explained it perfectly in a TikTok video reposted by Tera Chantelle, explaining that he truly doesn't have the capacity to do all of the things society expects women to do as mothers.
Though jarring, women are somewhat aware of the physical changes they might have to endure in becoming a mom, but what many are not prepared for is the overwhelming burden that women bear as primary caretakers for the entire family. And let's not forget the isolation, loss of self-identity, loneliness, and depression that stay-at-home parents can face.
Being a mom can be a rewarding experience, but it requires realistic expectations on the part of each parent. Whenever possible, the primary parent should have time for self-care, self-discovery and to be free of the responsibilities of parenting.
It's never too late to pursue your dreams. As kids get older it becomes easier to find time for other experiences in life. The breadwinner, tired or not, should also have a meaningful time to bond with and get to know their children, and that might require making home as much of a priority as work. The key is balance on both ends. Doing so might help both parents reignite the flame they shared before the kids came along.
NyRee Ausler is a writer from Seattle, Washington. She covers lifestyle, relationships, and human-interest stories that readers can relate to and that bring social issues to the forefront for discussion.