Mom Counts The Number Of Requests She Gets From Her Kids In One Day — Proving That Being The Default Parent Isn't Easy
Not even halfway through the day, she starts to feel tired and burnt out because of her kids' requests.
@jothemama / TikTok Being a mom to children in their toddler stage can be one of the most exhausting and demanding aspects of parenthood, especially with the lack of downtime and room to breathe without having kids talking a mile a minute in your ear.
One mom named Jo voiced a similar frustration, revealing in a TikTok video that she ended up conducting a little experiment to see just how many times in one day her kids are bugging her for something.
She counted the number of requests she gets from her three sons in just one day.
In her video, Jo wrote in overlay text on the screen, "Why moms of young children are consistently losing their minds." She went on to explain that it was only 1:00 p.m. at the time she was talking to her social media followers, which is vital information to the story.
Her three children, all boys, who range from ages one to five, are constantly asking for things. And, without fail, somewhere around 2 p.m. to 3 p.m., she ended up losing her mind. "I continually lose my [expletive] internally. Sometimes it comes out... sometimes," Jo shared.
She even acknowledged that she isn't the only parent in the house during this time. Her husband, who works from home, is rarely bothered by their three sons and doesn't even feel remotely the same way that she does by their requests.
"So, I conducted a fun experiment. I downloaded one of those little counter-clicker apps on my phone where I could just push the screen and it ticks up one number," Jo continued. "I was just gonna push it every time one of my children — granted, the one-year-old isn't speaking yet — but every time the five-year-old or three-year-old made a request."
She clarified that she wasn't talking about questions that required effort from her, but rather specific requests, like if they can watch a show, have a snack, go outside, or go to the pool. Taking a screenshot of the app on her phone, Jo counted 86 different times that she got a request from her kids, not accounting for repeat questions.
"They go to bed in seven hours, I'm not even halfway through the day," she stressed. "If I were to ask my husband how many requests he gets a day at work — he's a videographer editor — it's definitely in the single digits."
Right on cue, as Jo was ending her video, one of her sons came up and asked if he could have a snack, bumping up the number to 87.
Jo's frustration highlights how difficult it can be to have the role of a default parent.
The term "default parent" refers to the parent who is often automatically responsible for meeting the children's needs, answering their questions, and fulfilling their requests. Unfortunately, the role usually falls on the mother, as seen in Jo's case with the number of requests she gets from her kids in just a couple of hours.
According to the Pew Research Center, 59% of parents say the mother plays a larger role in managing their children’s schedules and activities, while just 5% say the father does more, and 36% say the parents share this responsibility equally. When it comes to playing with children, about as many (27%) say the mother does more when it comes to playing or doing activities with their children; 11% say the father does more, and 61% say both play or do activities with their children about equally.
Despite the low number, many fathers are striving to be more involved in their children's day-to-day lives. In a 2019 study conducted by a group called Men-Care, 85% of dads admitted they would "do anything" to have more of a role in child-rearing responsibilities.
While there are a good amount of fathers who feel this way, mothers are still carrying so much of the mental load in their households. One of the most crucial aspects of this demanding role is the emotional toll that it takes on women, as Jo even mentioned in her video. She opened up about feeling burnt out not even halfway through the day, all because of having to cater to all her kids' needs and requests.
The constant caregiving responsibilities of default parenting can often result in a significant loss of personal time and autonomy, which can contribute to feelings of exhaustion and emotional depletion.
As we continue to evolve as a society in many different aspects, especially when it comes to parenthood and marriage, the sharing of responsibilities between a mother and father is now more important than ever, because parenting, if possible, shouldn't be a journey done alone.
Nia Tipton is a Chicago-based entertainment, news, and lifestyle writer whose work delves into modern-day issues and experiences.