A Woman's Boyfriend 'Lied By Omission' When He Ignored Her Calls & Went Out With A Woman He Met On A Dating App — Now She Wonders If He Can Be Trusted
He's already destroying the trust in the relationship.
Fizkes/Good dreams - Studio/Gpointstudio - Shutterstock Some people believe that there are levels to lying. There are little white lies, big devastating lies, and lies that some people don’t see as lies at all — omissions of the truth. Leaving out relevant details that you should be sharing with a partner can ruin a foundation of trust and cause confusion and pain.
That’s exactly why a frustrated 35-year-old woman turned to the r/relationships subreddit for advice. In a post that was later uploaded to TikTok, a woman detailed how her 40-year-old-boyfriend neglected to tell her that he had been spending time with another woman.
The woman wonders if she can still trust her boyfriend after he lied by omission.
According to the post, the woman's boyfriend usually texts her at night and in the morning to send her loving vibes, but one night, things suddenly changed.
After having dinner with a friend, she texted her partner and was surprised when it took over 30 minutes for him to respond. But it was when he finally did respond that her intuition told her something was off. His text was short and, as she described it, very “matter of fact.” She followed up with another text and received another “clipped” and nonchalant response. He seemed to be specifically avoiding details about the evening's events. Adding to her anxiety about the situation, her boyfriend skipped his customary "goodnight" message which seemed like a clear indication that something was wrong.
Frustrated and uneasy with their interaction from the night before, she questioned him again to try to clear the air. That's when her boyfriend dropped the bomb — he’d taken a woman he met on a dating app years earlier out to dinner.
The boyfriend insisted that omitting the truth is different than lying.
He’d never mentioned the mysterious lady to his girlfriend before but assured her that the relationship was purely platonic. He offered unsolicited commentary when she hadn’t asked any additional questions, saying, “I’m not cheating on you, I love you.”
He insisted that he kept the details of his meetup from her because he knew she would be uncomfortable with the situation. He thought that omitting the truth was perfectly fine since he hadn’t told any lies.
According to a study from 2021, the general perception is to agree with the boyfriend. Apparently, outright lies are viewed in a much more negative light than lies by omission. But does it matter?
Photo: Reddit
She’s conflicted about his behavior and doesn’t really know what to think.
Not knowing how to proceed, she explained, “I want to believe him, and I guess I believe he didn’t cheat … but it still doesn’t explain his short responses.” She knows that his night out with a woman he met on a dating app was inappropriate, and his inability to be forthcoming with the information didn't help.
“I feel lied to, not a priority, and my feelings are hurt,” she shared. Ultimately wondering if his behavior is a red flag and indicative of a dishonest nature overall.
Commenters weren't as keen to believe the boyfriend's fidelity.
“He went on a date with another woman. And didn't tell you about it until you pried it out of him,” noted one Redditor.
Another added, “He went on a date. His responses were angry and short with you because you kept interrupting his date.”
The online community certainly has a point — where there is smoke, there’s fire.
But does the omission and disregard of the woman’s feelings by her boyfriend actually spell betrayal?
It's certainly true that if his relationship with his dinner date was completely platonic, he would have no reason to lie, but as a study from 2001 notes, oftentimes a partner will lie by omission if they want to protect themselves from what they perceive will be a negative or aggressive response to the complete truth.
However, according to dating coach Dave Worthen, "lying by omission is really killer." In fact, it can be even more insidious as it's the "intentional exclusion of important information."
Regardless of the reason for the omission, the underlying issue in this relationship is broken trust. Ultimately, his choice to omit the complete truth from his partner may be the catalyst for the relationship's end.
NyRee Ausler is a writer from Seattle, Washington. She covers lifestyle, relationships, and human-interest stories that readers can relate to and that bring social issues to the forefront for discussion.