Woman In Disbelief Over Her Husband Defending Danny Masterson After Treating Her Survivorship With Compassion
She never would have guessed him to say that.
Jordi Calvera, Africa images | Canva As the Danny Masterson rape trial comes to a close after three long years of fighting, tensions have risen as yet another celebrity's true character is revealed. High-profile cases like these tend to bring out the worst in people, exposing them for what they truly are.
Similarly, one woman on Reddit who discussed the case with her husband discovered that maybe he wasn’t who she thought he was after he seemed to jump to Masterson’s defense.
She couldn't believe her husband defended Danny Masterson knowing that she's a survivor herself.
“I am still just so angry and honestly sad over the argument my husband and I had the other night,” she wrote in her post.
She explained she was reading about how Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis had written about Masterson’s “upstanding character” despite him being found guilty on two counts of rape when her husband chimed in. “Stuff like this can ruin someone’s life,” he said.
She agreed with him, believing that he had been talking about the victims’ lives who had been ruined by what happened to them and the things they had to go through in order to even reach a conviction. However, he quickly proved her wrong.
“No, the guy’s life can be ruined,” her husband responded. He goes on to spin tales about how he knows several “really good guys” who have had their lives ruined because women have lied about their encounters with them.
According to the National Sexual Violence Resource Center, the prevalence of false reporting is between 2% and 10%. It’s impossible to know whether or not her husband’s “really good guys” are all telling the truth, but regardless of whether or not that’s the case, victims should always be believed and heard.
“I’m at first dumbfounded because I am a SA survivor and he knows this and has shown me nothing but compassion and love and helped me heal from it,” she explains. “I ask him how he could say that, ESPECIALLY when he brought it up in response to a case that is CLEARLY cut and dry RAPE in the case of Danny Masterson.”
He hadn’t known about the verdict and the sentencing, so he backtracked slightly but still maintained his point that some men have their lives ruined. She continued to push that his line of thinking is exactly what stops victims from speaking up, and he stayed silent, asking her to drop it.
Women often get into relationships with men just to find out they’re someone completely different.
This isn’t an uncommon story, and it doesn’t just happen to women. But in this case, she discovered that maybe her husband wasn’t who she had originally thought he was.
When you spend so much time in the same space as your significant other, it’s hard to discern any major differences in their personalities or beliefs until a moment presents itself that allows them to shine.
Thanks to social media, anyone can be influenced by the things they see online, and fairly easily as well without proper media literacy. Seeing one or two cases in which women were proven to have lied about their rape claims doesn’t mean that it’s a common occurrence, nor should it take away the validity of someone trying to speak up.
Aligned values are one of the most important facets of healthy and happy relationships.
As Certified Life Coach Rachelle Stone has explained, "Your core values are a part of your identity. They guide you in challenging times and help you make difficult decisions when there are no other resources to consult with." When a couple's core values don't align, tension and arguments often follow.
When your core values fall out of alignment, it doesn't mean your relationship is doomed — as long as both partners are willing to put in the work. According to Psychological Therapist Dr. Massimo Fontata, there are steps a couple can take to realign their values, the first step being, of course, to identify their own individual core values, which can "change over time."
In a TikTok video, he suggests sitting down together and writing down your values, which "gives you the opportunity to identify how your partner is seeing the world and how they are relating their values to the relationship that you're in."
Perhaps the most difficult part of this process is prioritizing values. Chances are you and your partner won't agree on everything, so it's necessary to know your boundaries.
"If you are both living in a completely different system of values, there is always fundamentally going to be some kind of conflict," Fontana explains. From here, as a couple you can decide whether or not your relationship is still serving you.
Sometimes, these differences in beliefs can be a dealbreaker for people in relationships. Most people would like to be in relationships with people who hold similar beliefs, especially when one of those people has experienced the traumatic experience that’s being discussed.
Isaac Serna-Diez is an Assistant Editor for YourTango who focuses on entertainment and news, social justice, and politics.