Mom Seeks Advice For 'Super Sad' 10-Year-Old Daughter Going Through First Major Life Transition That's Often Ignored
Despite being an overwhelming milestone, the reaction to this fact of life is often underwhelming and isolating.
Jennifer Burk via Unsplash / Trendify via Canva In many ways, becoming a parent means forging your own path as a caregiver, taking your own life experience and building upon it. Some parents rely on the ways they were raised, while others turn in a different direction.
One mom went on Reddit to describe how a pivotal experience she shared with her daughter led to a deeper understanding of the ways her past influenced her as a parent. The mom wrote to the r/parenting subreddit looking for guidance on ways she could support her daughter after “a whirlwind 24 hours.”
The mom asked how to help her ‘super sad’ 10-year-old daughter as she went through her first major life transition.
The mom explained that she’d been preparing for the onset of a huge change in her daughter’s life, one that people with a uterus experience as they go through puberty — the arrival of the first period. A few months prior, the mom made a “little period basket… just in case.” She reported that her daughter approached her and told her that she’d started her period.
“I immediately flew into action and got out the little basket I had made,” the mom stated. The basket she’d crafted was full of various products to help her daughter navigate her period on both a practical and emotional level.
Photo: Vanessa Ramirez / Pexels
As the mom described, “It was filled with new undies, pads, a little warming wheat filled unicorn thing you put into [the] microwave, salty and sweet snacks, new jim-jams, body spray, fancy body wash, sheet face masks, a Primark gift card, and a little pouch she can have in her school bag with her essentials in.”
After sharing the news, her daughter took a shower, and the mom “talked through pad application” with her. They “sat eating snacks, snuggled up on her bed.”
The devoted mom asked how to ease the transition for her daughter, who was ‘in a little bit of pain and just feels super sad over having her period when she’s 10.’
The mom felt empathy toward her daughter, as she also got her first period around the same age. Yet she noted that her own mother wasn’t sympathetic to the intensity of that transition, stating, “I was just told to get on with it.”
“I desperately don't want her to feel the way I did — hence the little basket of treats — but I feel like I'm not doing enough,” the mom exclaimed.
She asked the Reddit community if there was anything they had access to during their first period that lifted their spirits or any tactics they’d used “for your own little people” starting their periods that made them feel better.
The comments the mom received from other parents spoke to the importance of offering support during such a major life transition.
Some parents recounted their own first-period experiences, many of which felt traumatizing to them. Others noted that the care the mom gave her daughter was an exceptional example of committed parenting, and by virtue of providing that support, the mom was doing enough.
“This is amazing,” said one parent. “You’re doing everything you can.” They recommended that the mom emphasize that getting a period is “completely normal,” and also advised, “No need to suggest she’s growing up. Let her be a child for a while longer, she’ll thank you for it.”
The mom responded directly to the comment, saying, “I'm trying so hard not to say she's growing up. I've thought it many times in the last 24 hours, [it] makes my heart hurt. I wish I could keep her small forever!”
The mom’s emotional reaction to her daughter’s first period highlights that the physiological event is viewed as a major stepping stone.
This transition from childhood to adulthood can prove difficult both for kids to go through and for parents to witness.
One woman shared her own mom’s reaction to her first period, saying, “It was just a taboo thing. It still is to her. It's just not something she thinks someone should be open about.”
The mom gave her heartfelt acknowledgment of that woman’s experience, which seemed to echo her own first period. She said, “My mum was so cold about me starting my period… I remember being in a panic and her just grabbing a pad and saying 'happens to us all. Accept it and get on with it.'”
The mom recalled how deep-seated that core memory was, noting, “It was actually the first memory that came to mind when I found out I was having a daughter.”
Photo: cottonbro studio / Pexels
Her mom’s reaction to her period inspired her to actively consider the parenting techniques she wanted to employ with her daughter, stating, “I knew that wasn't the mum I was going to be for her. I wanted to equip her with the tools I never had.”
She illustrated the way her own childhood and adolescence encouraged her to raise her daughter in a different way and provide her with the support she didn’t have. She stated, “I didn't have the tool[s] to take on life, as my parents hadn't equipped me with them. It's why I have to be more than that for my own little people.”
She expressed a hope that seems to be universal for parents, saying, “I just hope my children see me as encouraging, warm, supportive, and loving.”
The mom explained that aims to raise her daughter in a way that emphasizes open, nonjudgmental communication. She said, “I've been very open with her about her body for a long time… It was important to me that she knew about her body, the changes that were happening, and how we deal with them. I gave her the tools I never had.”
“The only advantage of a cold mother was it made me a far warmer one,” the mom stated.
Her comment spoke to the various ways parenting can serve as a form of healing. By recognizing the gaps in how her mom raised her, she addressed generational trauma. She made a pivotal moment in her daughter’s life journey a cause for celebration, a change to openly embrace. Making a period gift basket was a way to show her daughter that their relationship would remain a safe space, a place to feel the full range of emotions that comes with growing up.
Alexandra Blogier is a writer on YourTango's news and entertainment team. She covers parenting issues, pop culture analysis and all things to do with the entertainment industry.