Man Tells Fiancé That His 11-Year-Old Daughter Has To Be In Their Wedding — Then Hears The Awful Reason She Refused

A 45-year-old man, who shares custody of his 11-year-old daughter with his ex-wife, wrote to Reddit to ask if he had overreacted to a request made by his fiancé.

The man explained on the subreddit "r/AmITheA–hole" that his fiancé, S, and his daughter, P, “got along very well,” and after 5 years together, he proposed to S. 

The devoted dad told his fiancé that his daughter had to be part of their wedding, but she refused.

He said that S was “super excited” about the prospect of a wedding, and started planning the event immediately. She looked at venues and asked her friends to be her bridesmaids.

She planned to have her niece as the flower girl, which the dad reported having “no problem with, but I said I also wanted P to be a flower girl.”

The man explained that his fiancé “looked at [him] funny and then said that she didn’t think that P would ‘fit the part.’”

Photo: Anna Shvets / Pexels

Her answer angered the dad. He insisted that his daughter be involved in the wedding. His fiancé responded by stating that “the girls in the wedding were up to her and P wouldn’t be one of them.”

“I told S that if P wasn’t in the wedding then there might not be a wedding,” the dad said. “I stormed out and took P to get ice cream.”

His daughter told him that “she thinks she will look pretty [in] whatever dress S decides she should wear,” a statement that “broke [his] heart.” He texted S and said he’d be taking some space apart to think about everything. He then got a text from his future mother-in-law, who told him that he was “overreacting,” that P didn’t have to be in the wedding, and that he was “an a–-” for threatening to cancel the wedding.

“Am I overreacting or just being a good dad?” He asked.

The Reddit community overwhelmingly decided that his fiancé was waving huge red flags he shouldn’t ignore.

“Be careful, S just showed you her true feelings for P,” said one person.

“If she doesn't want to include her step-daughter in her wedding then don't expect she will include your daughter in her life,” explained someone else.

Another person praised the dad for his reaction, stating, “Props to you for standing up for your daughter, that’s exactly what a good dad should do.”

The dad posted an update, offering some context to the conflict between him and his fiancé. He had asked if his daughter could be a groomsman, a compromise that S immediately shot down. He explained that “S is 39, she is the same race as my daughter, this is her first marriage.”

His fiancé didn’t want his daughter in the wedding because she hoped he would become ‘a holiday-visit-only dad.’

According to his fiancé, “I didn’t want her in the wedding so she wouldn’t be in the photos around the house, since she wasn’t going to be around much.”

“I kept my cool, calmly took her hand, and pulled my engagement ring off,” the dad said. “Her eyes started to tear up, she said we shouldn’t end the marriage over this and that she can change. I told her the damage was already done.”

“I couldn’t imagine only seeing my daughter 3 or 4 times a year,” he explained. “The fact that S wanted me to give up part of my custody blew me away. I’m sitting on my couch just in shock. Our honeymoon was supposed to be in Hawaii. Looks like me and P will be going instead.” 

Photo: Juan Pablo Serrano Arenas / Pexels

People in the comments section offered the dad emotional support and celebrated the decision he made. As one person noted, "You are a great dad and you deserve better. It hurts but better to know now than down the line after you were married. Sending all the love to you and your daughter."

It's clear that the dad's priorities were in the right place. He refused to give up his life with his daughter for anyone else, even someone he'd thought he loved. He put his daughter first, which his fiancé refused to do, proving that she was the wrong person for him to create a future with — their marriage would have never lasted in the long term.

The shock and pain of losing his fiancé must have been acute, but the pain of losing his daughter would have cut him even deeper.

Alexandra Blogier is a writer on YourTango's news and entertainment team. She covers parenting issues, pop culture analysis and all things to do with the entertainment industry.