Woman Refuses To Watch Husband's Children While He Goes On A Trip — 'He Wants Me To Be The Nanny, Not Their Mom'
"He’s the one who told me he doesn’t want another parent for his kids."
Yuganov Konstantin / Shutterstock; Reddit A woman admitted that she is stuck in a hard place after noticing how her husband has been acting when it comes to her taking care of his children.
Posting to the subreddit "r/AITAH" — an online forum where people can share conflicts that are happening in their lives and get advice on whether or not they are in the wrong — she revealed that her husband's attitude about how she interacts with his children has caused her to rethink their entire relationship.
She refused to watch his children while he goes on a trip because that's not what she 'signed up for.'
In her Reddit post, she explained that when she and her husband first met, he had two children from a previous marriage. He bluntly told her that he wasn't looking for another parent to his children, since they already had him and his ex-wife, but that he was only looking for a relationship with someone.
"We dated [and] got married. Everything was fine. I wasn’t allowed to discipline his kids, and I also wasn’t responsible for them," she wrote. "His ex had primary custody and he just had them on the weekends, and typically he spent his time taking them out and stuff."
Unfortunately, their situation quickly changed after her husband's ex-wife got into a car accident a year ago and passed away. Following her death, her husband was granted sole custody of his two children. She insisted that she was fine stepping up and taking care of his children, especially since they had just lost their mother.
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"I cook for them [and] help with homework here and there," she continued. However, she noticed that her husband has grown more upset at having to take care of his children full-time since he didn't want to be a dad in the first place. Now, due to his attitude, she finds herself stuck becoming the stand-in parent.
"He wants me to do school drop-offs so he can get more sleep, but that’s not really what I signed up for. He’s the one who told me he doesn’t want another parent for his kids," she pointed out.
He recently asked her if she would watch his children while he went out of town with his friends for three days, and she immediately refused. She argued that she doesn't want to spend her weekend trying to take care of two 6-year-olds, especially since they haven't been apart from their father since their mom died and she knows they will become extremely emotional and will spend the entire three days crying.
She's confused about what her role is to her husband's children.
She feels her husband is being unfair with how he's treating both her and his children. Even though he's asking her to essentially become a parental figure to them, she revealed that she's still not allowed to discipline them.
"The other day he yelled at them for accidentally calling me mom. It seems like he just wants to keep being the weekend dad and wants me to be the nanny, not their mom." She attempted to explain her feelings to her husband, and even brought up the idea of adopting them, though he quickly turned that notion down.
Photo: Dikushin Dmitry / Shutterstock
"Without me adopting them, if we divorce ever I’ll have no rights to see them. I don’t want to become a parent to kids that I have no rights to," she remarked. "He said that them calling me mom and me adopting them would be disrespectful to his ex’s memory."
The two of them went back and forth some more, but their argument ended with her telling him that she needed to seriously rethink their relationship, especially since she believed that she was being used for free childcare.
To work through their issues and be able to form a healthy bond between both them and the children, there needs to be more communication.
It's an extremely disheartening situation all around, and it seems that this woman's husband may be grieving his ex-wife's death and the weight of having to step into the role of being a full-time father to his children after only having custody of them for weekends. The loss of his ex-wife likely adds another layer of complexity to his emotions and responsibilities.
However, his inability to fully communicate his feelings and expectations with his partner is causing additional strain in the relationship. It's also evident that the woman in this situation is facing an incredibly challenging and emotionally complex dilemma.
Photo: Goksi / Shutterstock
She initially entered the relationship with clear boundaries, understanding that she would not be taking on a parental role with her husband's children. The unexpected turn of events has caused a significant shift in their dynamic, leaving her feeling stuck and unsure about her role in the children's lives.
When it comes to blending a family, no matter the circumstances, it's important to have healthy and productive communication. Their situation calls for empathy, open communication, and a willingness to understand the other's perspectives.
In the comments section, many people agreed that she and her husband need to come together and be on the same page.
"Find a way to work together to be the parents the children need, because they’re utterly innocent in all this. They deserve people who care for them and who will strive to do their best for their needs," one Reddit user wrote.
Another user added, "They should have had a talk about what parenting looks like now for both of them, now that he is the sole parent to these children."
"The kids deserve a dad and a stepmother who love them and are involved in their lives. A step-parent should never replace their mum, but in this time of change and bereavement, they need security and support more than ever."
Nia Tipton is a Chicago-based entertainment, news, and lifestyle writer whose work delves into modern-day issues and experiences.