Mom Explains Why She's Teaching Her Daughters That There Is 'No Such Thing As Virginity' — 'The Whole Concept Is Ridiculous'
She's teaching her daughters that their worth shouldn't come from the outdated ideas surrounding virginity.
@book_mama / TikTok A mother expertly explained how she is teaching her daughters the way they should approach sex and the societal double standards of "sexual purity." In a TikTok video, Cayce, a mother of five girls, shared with viewers the one parenting lesson that she is adamant about teaching them, which she acknowledges might not be something other parents, especially mothers, will agree with.
The mother is teaching her daughters that the idea of virginity is not real.
"I'm gonna get a lot of s--t for this, but what are you gonna do?" Cayce began in her video. "I'm raising my five daughters to believe that there is no such thing as virginity."
She continued, acknowledging that the ideas surrounding virginity are simply a social construct born from the patriarchy that is used to control and shame women for choosing to have sex. "Just because some guy randomly sticks his penis in you at some point in your life does not change your worth, it does not change who you are, it doesn’t do anything other than it happened," Cayce pointed out.
The mom-of-five recognized that sex is a big deal and doesn't want to teach her daughters otherwise, but that sex doesn't have to revolve around a young woman's "first time" and that the whole concept of virginity is "ridiculous."
Cayce admitted that when she often tells other moms about how she is teaching her daughters to approach the topic of sex and virginity, she receives a bit of backlash and criticism. She claimed that other mothers would accuse her of allowing her daughters to be "promiscuous," when she's only trying to teach them the value of both their bodies and them as human beings.
"I’m raising them to be good people and have solid foundations and make their own choices, and make smart, intelligent choices, not because some book says not to,” she remarked.
The ideas surrounding virginity are incredibly outdated and fail to be inclusive of all sexualities.
As Cayce is brilliantly teaching her daughters, the concept of virginity is indeed a social construct that is often used as a tool to control and oppress women. The concept of virginity often reinforces the idea that women's bodies are the property of their families or future husbands. Women's worth, in many traditional contexts, has been tied to their purity, and their value has been equated with their sexual innocence.
There is a double standard when talking about virginity. Men have often been encouraged to explore their sexuality freely, without facing the same level of scrutiny or judgment that women experience. For women, they are often labeled as being "promiscuous," "wild," and "immoral," for choosing to explore their sexual liberation.
Virginity is also extremely heteronormative and has been primarily focused on intercourse between cisgender women and men. This narrow definition excludes various sexual orientations and gender identities, such as LGBTQ+ individuals and those who engage in different forms of sexual activity.
In the comments section, many people praised Cayce for breaking the patriarchal ideas surrounding virginity with her daughters.
"Your daughters are going to have healthy mindsets when they choose to be active and that is a really good thing, you go, Mom," one TikTok user wrote. Another user added, "People place way too much worth in virginity, like anyone that's 'lost' it knows it's nothing worth holding on to."
"This is how I raised my daughter and she is a strong, intelligent young woman [who] doesn't live with the guilt that crushed me for so many years," a third user chimed in.
Our society is continuing to evolve, and attitudes toward virginity have changed as the years progress. Instead of framing discussions around virginity in terms of societal expectations or control, we should focus on individual autonomy and agency.
It's important to acknowledge that everyone has the right to make decisions about their own body and sexual experiences without judgment or pressure from others.
Nia Tipton is a Chicago-based entertainment, news, and lifestyle writer whose work delves into modern-day issues and experiences.