Dating Expert Explains That Men Getting Sexually Rejected In Relationships Is The Same As Women Being Emotionally Rejected
He's making a good point somewhere along the wrong road.
@dmdating / TikTok A man on TikTok is making waves on the social media platform after one of his most recently posted videos went viral. The subject? Having needs in a relationship.
DM Dating, which is what the self-proclaimed “dating exert” goes by on his social media handles, isn’t talking about basic needs like respect and communication — what he’s referring to is a little more carnal than that.
The dating expert claims that men’s sexual needs are the same as women’s emotional needs.
“Men have needs,” is the title that DM Dating is working with in his video posted on July 17, 2023, and in this video, he tries to draw a parallel between men’s sexual needs and women’s emotional needs. With over 1.1 million views, the caption reads “‘I have needs’ goes both ways in a relationship.”
“Ladies, have you ever sexually rejected a man you were dating? The classic, ‘Oh baby, I’m just not in the mood?’ He got a little frustrated, didn’t he?” he begins. “Gave a little attitude? Tried to explain that he just has needs?”
He continues to lay out this hypothetical situation, claiming that “you,” the woman in the relationship, then argues back that a relationship should be about more than just sex — which is true. Imitating what a woman might say, he says, “You can’t just go a night or two without it?” before claiming he understands what women are saying. He hears you, and he understands you... but does he really?
“I’m going to tell you how I understand,” he continues. “New scenario. Have you ever been emotionally rejected by a man? You want to spend the day together but he just wants to watch the game. He just wants to hit the gym. Maybe just stay home and relax in some peace and quiet. He doesn’t feel like hitting T.J. Maxx and the plant store today. He doesn’t want to go to brunch. He just... isn’t in the mood.”
By this point, you’re able to understand the parallel he’s attempting to make between a woman wanting to go shopping versus a man wanting to have sex, but hopefully, you’re aware that these things aren’t entirely equal.
He claims that emotional rejection ‘is the male equivalent of sexual rejection.’
“When you see your man being a bit moody on a day out with you, that's his version of you having sex when you're not really in the mood,” he claims. “So to both sexes, your partner's needs are different from yours. Recognizing that needs will not always be met is important.”
Having sexual needs is a real thing. Not everyone needs the presence of sex in a relationship in order to be intimate or close with their partners, but some people do, and that is okay. What isn’t okay is comparing them to “hitting T.J. Maxx and the plant store.”
Physical intimacy with your partner is not the same as going to the store. It doesn’t require the same amount of mental, emotional, and physical attention as simply being in someone’s company.
So while DM Dating is right that everyone’s needs are different and that recognizing everyone’s needs may not always be met is important, he is wrong in comparing the two things.
“In order for your relationship to flourish,” he finished his video, “you have to be willing to reciprocate and communicate openly if you feel reciprocation is not occurring.”
It feels like what DM Dating is doing is gaslighting women into feeling like their sexual rejection of their partners isn’t okay. He’s also attempting to excuse men for being emotionally absent in their relationships by equating it to women saying they aren’t in the mood.
Women are entitled to their own wants and needs within reason, just as men are, but DM Dating is creating a false equivalency between two things that are entirely different.
Isaac Serna-Diez is an Assistant Editor for YourTango who focuses on entertainment and news, social justice, and politics.