Man Explains Why He Refuses To Let His Wife 'Pressure' Him Into Having A Vasectomy — 'It Feels Wrong'
Some people say "it's just a snip," but others argue that it is his decision.
novak.elcic / Shutterstock / Reddit A man’s disagreement with his wife regarding their family planning methods sparked a conversation regarding men’s bodily autonomy.
After the couple decided that they were done having children, the man’s wife believed that he should undergo a vasectomy. However, he didn't agree with her decision and doesn't want to have the procedure. Now, his wife and her friends are branding him as “selfish.”
The man claimed that he doesn't want a vasectomy and said he shouldn't be pressured into having it done.
Sharing a now-deleted post to the subreddit, "r/AmItheA-–hole," the 28-year-old man revealed that he and his 25-year-old wife recently welcomed their second child. They have both decided that they are done having kids. However, they are at odds over what method of birth control they should use going forward, with the man’s wife insisting that he get a vasectomy.
Photo: Shidlovski / Shutterstock
A vasectomy is a non-invasive procedure where the tubes that carry semen are cut and sealed to prevent men from getting women pregnant. Vasectomies are outpatient procedures that are usually performed under local anesthesia.
However, the man does not want to undergo the procedure. “I feel like I shouldn’t have to get this done against my will just because she wants me to,” the man says of his wife. “Everyone she has talked to about it has said I am an a--hole for not wanting to go get it done and tells her how selfish I am.”
Instead, the man has told his wife that he would rather use non-hormonal birth control, such as condoms, or they would have to avoid sex altogether to prevent having any more children.
“I can understand this being an issue for her since she doesn’t want more kids but if it’s truly that big of a deal why wasn’t it brought up sooner to be discussed?” the man wrote. “Maybe I am crazy but it just feels wrong that I’m being pressured into this to me.”
The man’s concerns and questions sparked a debate that many couples may have when it comes to birth control.
Some believed that since a vasectomy has little to no risks and is effective in preventing pregnancy, the man should go through with it.
“‘Surgery.’ Give me a break. It takes longer and is more invasive to have a cavity filled,” one user commented. “OP [original poster] just doesn’t WANT to.”
“According to the Association of Medical Colleges, vasectomies are 99% effective in preventing pregnancies. Condoms are 98% effective when used properly but are only 87% effective the way they are typically used,” another user pointed out. “That 11% is a big deal to those not wanting more children or children at all.”
Others argued that a vasectomy was far less invasive than his wife having her tubes tied or going on hormonal birth control, which has lasting negative effects on women's bodies, including mood changes, acne, and weight gain.
However, others believed that the man should not have to undergo a procedure, and there are other options he and his wife can explore.
“He doesn’t want a surgery he shouldn’t be required to receive, and says he’s fine using protection,” one user wrote. “Everyone is entitled to bodily autonomy. That being said, it is important to have another plan for birth control,” another user added.
Other users noted that while the man shouldn't feel obligated to have a vasectomy, his wife was also not obligated to undergo any birth control initiatives that she did not want to and he should not suggest that she do.
“You’re not wrong for wanting to make a choice about your body but you need to be prepared to do ALL the work to prevent it as it will be unfair if your wife has to,” one user commented, noting that she has already carried two pregnancies and that her body had undergone enough change.
Other users attempted to put the man’s mind at ease by sharing their own vasectomy experiences.
“I got a vasectomy when we were done having kids. I was freaked out by the idea a bit, I will admit. Reading about it kept making me queasy and a little lightheaded. However, after having it done, it wasn’t all that big a deal,” one user revealed. “The doc that did mine prescribed me a hefty dose of Valium to take a bit before the procedure. By the time he got to work, I was feeling right as rain.”
The man followed up with his original post thanking other Redditors for their feedback. “I have seen arguments for both sides but it is helping me see from her perspective better,” the man wrote. “We will likely sit down and talk about it soon when we get the chance again.”
Megan Quinn is a writer at YourTango who covers entertainment and news, self, love, and relationships.