Woman Says Boyfriend Lets His Female Friend Take Naps With Him In His Bed — 'She Even Gets Into Bed With Both Of Us'
This “friend” sounds like a problem.
@twohottakes / TikTok Many girls can relate to feeling unsure about one of their boyfriend’s female friends. Sometimes this feeling is harmless and can easily be debunked by their boyfriends. Other times, the boyfriend is defensive of this friend and continues to allow them to make their girlfriend uncomfortable by blatantly disregarding boundaries — which is a dilemma one woman faces with her boyfriend and his close female friend.
One woman sought advice after learning that her boyfriend allows his female friend to sleep in bed with him.
A TikTok account called @twohottakes discussed a situation regarding a woman being infuriated at her boyfriend because he continued to disregard her boundaries involving his close female friend.
According to the TikTok, the woman's boyfriend had a close female friend named Lily. The woman claimed that Lily was obsessed with her boyfriend and that they had a history. They were coworkers and got very close while they worked together. He got a new job and Lily followed him there so they would stay close. She made it very clear that she wanted something more than friendship with him.
While the woman and her boyfriend were on a break, the boyfriend admitted to having a fling with Lily. She made a clear boundary that if they continued to be friends, the boyfriend and Lily could not be in the same bed together. However, he ignored this boundary and allowed Lily to sleep in his bed one night after she drank too much to drive.
The woman offered to buy Lily an Uber, but she refused and ultimately decided to stay the night there. The woman was laying in bed with her boyfriend and the next thing she knew, Lily was climbing into bed with them. She ended up falling asleep there.
Lily was still there when the girlfriend got home from class and she caught her taking a nap with her boyfriend. He admitted that his actions were wrong and it was a mistake — but it still eats at the girlfriend. The girlfriend explained how they had a conversation about the situation afterward and he claimed that it was friendly. She told her boyfriend that the next time she is too messed up to drive home, one of them needs to sleep on the couch and asked how he allowed that to happen.
He said he “gave up on trying with her.” She concluded the confrontation by telling him that he knows the boundary and it can never happen again.
Choosing to believe that he was telling the truth and regretted his decision, the girlfriend asked for any advice about what she should say to him if she has to bring it up again.
One of the commenters said that this situation is “infuriating.” She claimed that the boyfriend was trying to be the victim by stating that he just gave up and should have told Lily to leave. The video ends with the commentator asking the boyfriend who he wanted to hurt.
Users in the comments agreed that the situation is a red flag.
“Once they got back together, the ‘friend’ needed to go, and no longer be a ‘friend’,” one user wrote.
Another user pointed out that he is actively choosing not to cut Lily off when he should be. “Your boyfriend isn’t in love with you if he pushes the boundaries he set in place. He wants the side dish as a second. Run away,” said another user.
This user might be right. According to a University of Colorado study, 53.5% of men who cheat do so with a close friend. The study also detailed the reasons that people cheat can be linked to “lack of religious attendance, work-related opportunities, and being a part of a social group that is more accepting of cheating.”
In healthy relationships, boundaries need to be set — and respected.
In a YouTube video, relationship and mental health therapist Dr. John Delony, speaks on how to set good boundaries with friends of the opposite sex. He explained that opposite-sex relationships can become especially close in a workplace setting because you are often times at your work more than you are at home with your spouse. It is easy for things to get muddled.
He mentioned that in his relationships if he noticed that he was putting more energy into a female friendship than with his wife or if he was having private jokes with a female friend and felt he needed to delete their text thread, things were going too far. He said that at that point he would set boundaries so he didn’t cross a line with them.
Dr. Delony claimed that it is best to back off and no longer do extra things with that person like take lunch with them or get coffee with them to discuss work. To avoid creating a muddled situation altogether, he said that it is best to turn down their coffee or lunch invitation by setting the boundary that those activities are reserved for spouses or significant others.
Unfortunately for the woman who was spoken about in the TikTok video and many other women and men, relationships fall apart because of their significant other’s friends. Men and women are able to have platonic friendships, but what so many people don’t understand is that there needs to be clear boundaries set and all parties must not cross them.
Tarah Hickel is a Washington-based writer and a frequent contributor to YourTango. She focuses on entertainment and news stories including viral topics and relationships.