Woman Explains The Invalidating Experience Of Being Married To A 'Nice Guy' Who Was Pro-Therapy
The 'nice guy' persona is often just a facade.
@thriving_imperfectly / TikTok A woman opened up about the horrendous marriage she had been in with a man that many people in her life assumed was a "nice guy."
In a TikTok video, Kristín Guðbjörg shared that everyone in her life has been ecstatic when she married a man who defined himself as being "nice" and "respectful." However, Guðbjörg pointed out that the "nice guy" act was all a persona and his personality was actually quite abusive.
She explained the invalidating experience of being married to a 'nice guy' who was pro-therapy.
"You know, I was married to a 'nice guy' who was pro-therapy, and I'm going to tell you what that was like for me," Guðbjörg began. She explained that when she and her then-husband first got together, everyone in her life was happy that she'd finally moved on from being in toxic relationships.
She said that almost all of her friends would gush and fawn over how she was with "such a nice guy," despite that not being the case at all. Guðbjörg recalled the first time she confronted her husband about how he would treat her terribly around their friends.
After confronting him while they were in the car, he slammed on his brakes as a way to intimidate her, the first abusive tactic that started in their marriage.
"I remember the first time he told me who I could and couldn't spend time with, and when I pushed back he escalated so viciously that he started hitting himself, threatened to kick me out of our apartment, threatened to call the cops, and threatened to drain our joint bank account," she continued, sarcastically adding, "but he's such a 'nice guy.'"
She went on to list a slew of other abusive incidents that happened between her and her "nice guy" husband, including his punching a hole in a door after she closed it on him during a fight. When she would open up about these instances with her friends, they would all try and make excuses for him, telling her that she was probably "doing something to trigger him," and that all marriages had their hardships.
During their tumultuous marriage, Guðbjörg remembered how the two of them had gone to couple's therapy despite not wanting to herself and was accused of being "difficult" by the people in her life. When she told her friends she and her husband were going to therapy together, they were all impressed by his decision.
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"Everybody and their mama was like, 'Oh my God, he's willing to heal for you. My husband won't even go to therapy, what a "nice guy,'" Guðbjörg said. At therapy, she recalled how her husband was asked to look into her eyes and speak about how his behavior was harming her.
"I remember seeing the resentment in his eyes as he was being told by a professional that he was not entitled to treat me the way that he had been for so long," she continued, adding that after suffering from his abuse, she eventually called it quits on their marriage.
The 'nice guy' persona is often not what many people assume it to be.
The "nice guy syndrome" is a term often used to describe a pattern of behavior in some men who believe that being nice, kind, and accommodating to women should lead to romantic or sexual attention or relationships.
However, these individuals often become frustrated and resentful when their perceived efforts to be nice do not result in the desired outcomes. Sometimes, the "niceness" exhibited by individuals with the nice guy syndrome can be perceived as insincere or manipulative.
Many of Guðbjörg's friends were seemingly blinded by her ex-husband's façade of being a "nice guy" when, in reality, someone shouldn't have to label themselves as "kind" or "nice," but instead their actions should be able to reflect that.
In the comments section, many women shared their own experiences being in relationships with "nice guys."
"My nice guy golfed with my [doctor] and told him I was a hypochondriac and to ignore me... I had to drive myself to the hospital for internal bleeding," one TikTok user wrote.
Photo: Eldar Nurkovic / Shutterstock
Another user added, "Yep the 'nice guys' aren’t so nice when it’s just you and them. We did couples therapy too and it went pretty much the same way."
"I was married to one of those and people were surprised when I finally left and told them all the things he’d do to me. Those closest to me saw it," a third user shared.
Genuine kindness and respect should be the foundation of any healthy relationship. The issue arises when these behaviors are used manipulatively or with an expectation of specific outcomes.
Nia Tipton is a Chicago-based entertainment, news, and lifestyle writer whose work delves into modern-day issues and experiences.