Too Many Women Have Dated A Jonah Hill — And Now They're Realizing That Level Of Twisted Manipulation Is Not Normal
Silence upholds violence.
nd3000 / Getty Images; Billion Photos via Canva; Kathy Hutchins / Shutterstock As Sarah Brady reveals the true nature of her relationship with her ex, Jonah Hill, many fans of the 39-year-old actor have been quick to defend him against Brady’s allegations of emotional manipulation, despite written proof of that coercion, and despite a record of Hill’s own words.
So many women have dated men like Jonah Hill — and now, they're finally realizing that manipulation in relationships isn’t normal.
The current conversation around what constitutes a boundary began when Brady took to Instagram to post text message exchanges between her and Hill during their romantic relationship. Brady has been dragged for going public with privately-held conversations, yet it seems fairly evident that that specific critique is just one more way to isolate and silence women who have experienced abuse.
Brady addressed that particular issue on her Instagram stories, writing, “Would it have been better if I shared earlier? When would have been the right time? Should I not have considered the mother of his child at all? Should I not have considered how psychological stress on a pregnant person can create physical stress on the fetus?”
Photo: sarahhbrady / Instagram
She got to the core of the issue, ending her post by asking, “Or are the people criticizing me for my timing actually just saying I should’ve taken this information to my grave?”
Too many women are emotionally coerced by their partners, yet it took Brady going public to contextualize this disturbing communal experience.
As noted in a tweet by Julie S. Lalonde, “The sheer number of women coming forward to say they feel seen by the Jonah Hill story is the story.”
“For one woman, it’s about Jonah,” she explained. “But for the rest of us, it’s a clear-as-day example of coercion and manipulation that we’ve never really had an opportunity to unpack together.”
Forcing women to stay silent is how patriarchy flourishes. Discrediting our lived realities is how men maintain their power.
Telling women to keep our private lives private is one more way of ensuring that we’re not listened to. When we do gather the courage to speak out against transgressions, we’re discredited, as if we’re not at risk of losing everything we’ve built for ourselves by doing so.
Brady commented on the widely-held public opinion that by sharing Hill’s private messages, she violated a level of trust, which is a claim that Hill himself leveled against her in an attempt to control her behavior.
She wrote, “Yes, it’s tacky and a violation of privacy to share private messages; however, the reality is, when someone is in an emotionally abusive relationship, screenshots are sometimes the only pieces of evidence they have to prove that what happened to them was real.”
Photo: sarahhbrady / Instagram
She acknowledged, “And of course, my situation is unique, because my ex is a public figure, but I believe this is an important conversation to start amongst the community of survivors of emotional abuse, is there a right way to document your abuse, and share it, so that you are not alone in your perception?”
Brady came forward with more texts from Hill that showcase the insidiousness of how he communicated with her.
She shared texts that Hill sent after their breakup, in which he manipulated clinical language in a way that blamed Brady for his own toxic behavior.
Hill told her, “Screenshotting intimate texts between us is a huge triggering violation for me and breach of trust as a friend as I have explained to you about breaches of trust I have had between trusted friends recently that have caused me trauma. I am incredibly hurt and feel a lack of safety where I have always trusted you.”
The screenshots Brady took were a way to hold Hill accountable for how he acted, when she knew he would never take ownership of his behavior.
That Hill so swiftly twisted reality to position himself as a victim is a classic technique of emotional abuse known as DARVO.
As illustrated by a tweet Brady shared from Dr. Jessica Taylor, the acronym DARVO stands for: Deny they did anything wrong, Attack the person who is challenging them, Reverse Victim and Offender, where they reposition themselves as the real victim in a situation they caused, where they are the aggressor and their victim is now totally powerless.
Brady has expressed that she’s not trying to paint Hill as a monster, yet the way he treated her is undeniably not okay.
Photo: sarahhbrady / Instagram
She’s solely attempting to shine light on a form of emotional manipulation wielded all too often by men in romantic relationships, which illustrates how harmful patriarchy is to all of us who are trapped in that system.
In a screenshot Brady shared on her Instagram stories, she showcased a text from someone thanking her, who “had a friend reach out today to me saying how healing it’s been for her following your story.”
Photo: sarahhbrady / Instagram
Brady responded, “Any time I start feeling guilty for sharing those texts, one of the women in my life sends me a message reminding me how many people I’m helping feel validated and that makes it all worth it.”
There’s undeniable power in sharing our stories, even when we’re not fully believed. What Brady did was to elevate a conversation we need to keep having, if only to know that none of us are truly alone.
Alexandra Blogier is a writer on YourTango's news and entertainment team. She covers celebrity gossip, pop culture analysis and all things to do with the entertainment industry.