Dad Lets His Girlfriend Move In Against His Kids' & Therapist's Wishes Since She's 'Never Physically Threatened' Them
She's unwell, volatile and terrifying, but he sees no harm since she's never laid a hand on them.
Roman Samborskyi, Super8, Krakenimages.com / Shutterstock When it comes to introducing your kids to a new boyfriend or girlfriend, it's delicate business. And one dad on Reddit has gone about it in a way that strikes many as not only reckless but potentially dangerous.
The dad is moving his girlfriend in against his kids' wishes despite her volatile and abusive behavior.
The dad is recently widowed and lives with his 18- and 19-year-old children. Until recently, their home included his 27-year-old girlfriend, until a string of incidents forced a change in housing arrangements.
He writes that while his girlfriend is "beautiful, passionate and intelligent...she is also troubled." She is unable to hold down a job and is "highly reactive to the thought of abandonment," which results in vicious fights and lashing out in extreme ways. This includes "yelling, calling friends and telling them lies about me, [and] talking about me... to my kids," he says.
Photo: @ask_aubry / Twitter
Given what an outsized impact a mom or dad's new partner can have on their kids, even older ones like this man's, you might assume he has committed to making major changes to their living arrangements.
Unfortunately, the opposite is true.
The dad's girlfriend became so volatile he had to submit her for emergency mental health interventions.
"I've lost friends over her behavior," the man writes of his girlfriend. Her belligerence and paranoia even led to her leaving "bad reviews on a mutual friend's business" because she suspected them of cheating together, despite the fact they weren't even in the same state.
She's even ended up in court because of her paranoia and accusations against strangers, and finally, the man decided it was time for an intervention. He enrolled her in therapy and an in-patient mental health program. After her release, he rented a condo for her to live in while she continues her therapy, which her therapist agreed was a good idea.
Photo: @ask_aubry / Twitter
But he can't get over the distance between them, despite visiting her regularly. "I miss her and want her back in my house. This isn't some fling- I want a future with her," he writes. So he decided it was time for them to reunited, regardless of the circumstances.
The dad is moving his girlfriend in against his kids' wishes because her volatile behavior never included physical threats.
Despite the fact that his kids and his girlfriend have never gotten along, he has taken his daughter's acts of kindness toward her as carte blanche to move her back in. "I saw that my daughter had texted my gf saying 'I know you are a good person- keep up the good work!'," he writes, "so I thought despite them having conflict with my girlfriend, my kids would be willing to welcome her back."
Photo: @ask_aubry / Twitter
So, while his kids were away for the Fourth of July, he moved his girlfriend back into his house under their noses — and as you might guess, they're furious.
"They cannot believe I'd let her back, especially before the therapist says she is stable," he writes, and when he brought up his daughter's kind message to the girlfriend she explained that their goodwill doesn't change the fact that "so many things she's done are wrong and hard to forgive."
They went on to say that "they will not forget this" breach of their trust and the way he allowed his loneliness to supersede their well-being. But he doesn't understand what the big deal is, since his girlfriend has "never physically threatened my kids."
People online thought the dad had handled this completely wrongly, and experts agree.
The evidence is conclusive — exposing children to a mentally ill parent, partner or caregiver can have drastic effects, including making them more likely to develop emotional and social problems. This man's children are nearing adulthood of course, but they are still impacted by the girlfriend's instability.
It's important to note that people with mental illness can live full, stable lives, and many are great parents. But mental health treatment is delicate business, and moving back into old routines too soon can be disastrous, which is probably why even the girlfriend's therapist is against this move.
Mental health and parenting experts say that among the most important parts of managing a domestic partner's mental illness is making sure your kids know they can still rely on you. You'd be hard-pressed to find a better example of a parent doing the opposite than this man's story, and people online were astonished.
Photo: Reddit
Several people called out that the fact the dad is moving his girlfriend in against his kids' wishes is bad enough, but that he did it sneakily, behind their backs, takes it to a whole other level — and one that shows he knows he's doing the wrong thing.
Relationships are hard, even under the best of circumstances, let alone when one-half is fighting mental illness. But when it comes to families, the well-being of everyone in the house has to be the number one concern. As this man's kids put it, "there's worse things than loneliness."
John Sundholm is a news and entertainment writer who covers pop culture, social justice and human interest topics.