Older Woman Can't Decide If She Should Tell Her Date Her Real Age Before They Go Out
She's worried that their age gap will cause him to lose interest.
Jep Gambardella / Pexels A woman wrote to Mumsnet, an English parenting forum, to ask for advice on a possible dating dilemma.
She explained that she’d met someone she was interested in while on a vacation with friends. They met at a bar, and she noted that while they were “a bit drunk,” they had a strong connection and have stayed in touch since returning home.
The woman can’t decide whether or not to tell her younger date her true age before they go out.
The woman explained that through some light Googling her friends did, she discovered that there’s an 8-year age gap between her and the man she met— she’s 47, while he’s 39.
Both she and the man have children, so she doesn’t foresee that being an issue. She’s more concerned with the difference in their ages, and the fact that she’s older than he is.
She stated that age as a topic of conversation hadn’t come up yet, only now, she’s wondering if she should reveal her age before they go out, or while they’re on a date.
“I’m okay with the age gap, but he might not be, which is fair enough,” the woman said while noting she doesn’t want to get her hopes up if he’s uncomfortable with her being older.
She also acknowledged that “he has a high-powered job [and] I’m just a regular person.” She remarked that it “doesn’t seem to be an issue,” yet she wondered if the difference in their income would work long-term. She explained that “financially, we are total opposites, I have a good job, but his earnings are well above the average salary,” according to what she’d learned about him online.
The woman clarified that she hadn’t lied about her age, rather, the topic just hadn’t been raised between them.
A number of people in the comments believed that the age gap wasn’t so large as to be an issue. Many opened up about the differences in ages between themselves and their spouses, noting that once someone reaches their 30s, age becomes less of an issue.
One person advised the woman to tell him before going out on a date. They recommended that course of action so “you don’t get invested and then disappointed if he’s not prepared to have a relationship with an older woman.”
The woman came to the comments section to offer her point of view on the age gap, noting, “I can’t be bothered to go on the date or invest my energy, even in chatting, if it’s a problem.”
She acknowledged that the insecurity around their age difference might be more pronounced on her end, as “he seems very keen— always contacting me and telling me about his life, so I think I’m the one with the problem.”
She came to the conclusion that telling him her age in person was the best option.
She noted that it would allow her to bring up the topic in conversation in real-time and see how he reacts.
Another person commented that there’s “no point overthinking the age thing,” noting that “you might go on the date and find there’s no spark there after all, or you might find there’s something about him that puts you off.”
They also advised her to not overthink the difference in their jobs and economic status, either, as it was still early in the game to make life plans.
“You can decide at any point (as can he) that it isn't right for you, for whatever reason,” they explained. “It’s worth getting to know him a bit better in person, anyway. That’s the whole point of dating.”
We live in a society that openly accepts older men dating younger women, while older women often aren’t given the same grace.
Women are consistently criticized for aging; it’s not surprising that this woman feels a certain level of doubt about whether or not the man she met will still find her attractive once he learns that she’s older.
Nevertheless, maintaining open and direct communication would prove valuable in this situation, especially since the woman herself said she doesn’t want to waste her time if he’s not open to dating someone older.
Both she and the man deserve to show up to a new relationship as their most authentic selves and see where that takes them. That authenticity arises from radically accepting oneself and from creating connections with people who offer their fullest selves up to love.
Alexandra Blogier is a writer on YourTango's news and entertainment team. She covers relationship issues, pop culture analysis and all things to do with the entertainment industry.