Married Man Shares His Strict Rule For Having Female Friends — ‘If You're Not My Wife’s Friend, You're Not Mine’
He claimed that he doesn't want to disrespect his wife or their marriage.
@imcominginhot / TikTok For some time now, people have participated in the age-old debate of being okay with their partners having friends of the opposite sex. For some, it's seen as a red flag, while for others, it's not a big deal.
One man, Yohan Santana, revealed that he has a very strict rule when it comes to having friendships with people of the opposite sex, and claimed that he isn't interested in having another woman in his life besides his wife and family members.
He shared that he refuses to be friends with women that aren't friends with his wife first.
"I have a very strict rule when it comes to having female friends," Santana began in his video. He pointed out that he would rather not become friends with a woman who is also not friends with his wife.
Santana acknowledged that some people may find fault in his rule and decided to explain himself and the reasons why he feels that having a friend of the opposite gender would be disrespectful to his wife and their marriage.
"Number one, dedicating time to another female that’s not my wife, just does not make any sense to me,” he said. "Number 2, if this woman is not my wife’s friend, it means that we have a relationship that to some degree my wife is not aware of. Tell me if that sounds appropriate for a married man."
"Number 3, I might know my intentions but I’ll never know hers and that’s a conversation I would love to avoid, and number 4, let’s assume that everything is innocent, nobody catches any feelings, and my wife is okay with it. People still talk," he continued.
Santana claimed that he would rather avoid putting his wife into any embarrassing situations, and didn't want his character to be called into question as a result.
"Now, if you are a mutual friend, then you’re welcome in my home and we will treat you like family. However, if my wife doesn’t know you, neither do I. My brothers, we are grown men, and it’s time that we start to act like it.”
While most people in the comments section praised Santana for his take on friendships with women, his opinion is part of a larger narrative surrounding gender stereotypes and the lack of growth by men limiting themselves to only being friends with other men.
Men refusing to be friends with women only reinforces gender bias and the objectification of women.
Many people argue men and women can't be "just friends," claiming that there is always one side that feels differently about the friendship than the other. Usually, the questionable side always falls on men.
According to data acquired by YouGov, younger men are more likely than older men to say most of their friends are women: 17% of men aged 16-24 have mostly female friends, compared to 9% of men in their 30s and 40s, and 11% of men in their 60s or older.
Assuming that men cannot maintain platonic friendships with women because of their relationship status does nothing but reinforces gender stereotypes. It suggests that men are unable to control their romantic or sexual desires and that all male-female relationships must be motivated by romantic or sexual interest.
There's also the aspect of men limiting their growth as human beings by refusing to be friends with women. Developing meaningful friendships with people of different genders can be enriching and provide diverse perspectives and support.
It's understandable and, frankly, admirable that Santana is constantly thinking about his wife and their marriage with the utmost respect; however, those boundaries should be established through open communication, trust, and understanding, rather than through gender-based assumptions.
Nia Tipton is a Chicago-based entertainment, news, and lifestyle writer whose work delves into modern-day issues and experiences.