People Criticize Man For Saying 'Irritating His Girl' Is One Of His Love Languages
Is it a love language, or is it one more way that men are socialized to not be directly affectionate?
Drazen Zigic / Shutterstock A man whose Instagram bio states that he focuses on “relationship content” came under fire for how he seems to conduct his romantic relationships. Levi has over 30,000 followers, yet some of those people disagree with the way he shows his affection.
Many people criticized Levi for saying that irritating his girl ‘on purpose’ is one of his love languages.
The questionable post is a video of Levi lip-syncing to an audio clip, asking, “Now, let me ask you this question, do you hate me?”
The text overlaid on the post reads, “Me after I successfully irritated my girl on purpose because annoying her and getting a lil' reaction out of her is one of my love languages,” followed by a laugh-cry emoji. The post received over 200,000 likes, but some people didn’t like what Levi had to say.
One of the top comments came from a woman who stated, “I could never be with someone who finds joy in my discomfort [or] anger.”
'That’s called negative attention. It’s not a love language,' said a different follower.
The five love languages is a concept developed by Gary Chapman.
who wrote about the various ways individuals express and receive love in his book “The 5 Love Languages: The Secret To Love That Lasts.” Chapman delineates different love languages, which include Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, and Physical Touch.
Photo: Wendy Wei / Pexels
Everyone’s love languages are different — some languages resonate more deeply than others for individuals in relationships. What’s important is maintaining open communication about how you want your partner to express their love, in ways that make you feel appreciated.
Without hearing his girlfriend’s side of the story, there’s no way to know if she’s truly bothered by Levi’s attempts to annoy her.
It’s possible that she doesn’t actually mind his behavior, yet it’s also possible that their dynamic is somewhat harmful.
One woman commented that she saw value in Levi’s so-called love language, saying, “My boyfriend is always messing with me, it's light-hearted fun.” Someone else noted that “there’s a difference between them just being silly [and] goofy to bug you for a bit and being downright mean.”
Yet another person called attention to the intent of the behavior, saying, “I think the problem is there’s a difference between trying to get someone’s attention and playing with them, versus being actually antagonistic with the intention of making them truly upset and uncomfortable when you already know that’s the result of doing that behavior.”
They continued, “Play is actually a healthy part of socialization but not if the other person expressed they do not want that or don’t like the way you do it.”
Photo: Jasmine Carter / Pexels
One person wondered, “Why's this comment section so triggered?”
It’s a valid question, one that sheds light on the problematic way that men are socialized to express their affection — through purposeful irritation, rather than direct communication. It’s common to hear the statement made throughout childhood, “He’s just teasing her because he likes her.” Boys are taught that the best way to show that they care about someone is to rile them up, to get a rise from them.
Those boys grow up into men, who have never learned a different way to show love. Don’t these men, and the women who are with them, deserve more? Maybe it’s time to model a different way of loving, one that focuses on mutual respect and direct communication, and not intentionally crossing someone’s boundaries.
Alexandra Blogier is a writer on YourTango's news and entertainment team. She covers relationship issues, pop culture analysis and all things to do with the entertainment industry.