If Someone Has These 9 Rare Qualities, Experts Say Their Emotional Intelligence Is Off The Charts
People with sky-high EQ often share these uncommon traits.
Renato Abati | Canva What is emotional intelligence, and why is it important? Let's turn to the ancient seat of Western knowledge, Greece, for a useful definition. According to the National Centre for Scientific Research, "Emotional intelligence is the ability to identify, understand, and use emotions positively to manage anxiety, communicate well, empathize, overcome issues, solve problems, and manage conflicts."
Next, the folks from the social sciences department at the University of Chicago show us why we should care. The results of a study published in the Journal of Positive Psychology showed that emotional intelligence (EQ) and wisdom are closely related, especially when it comes to "knowing what you know and what you don't know, but by empathic concern and perspective-taking."
In other words, the greater your command of emotional intelligence, the better you can know yourself and others. And that leads us to the next question: How can we cultivate greater emotional intelligence through everyday actions? We asked a panel of relationship experts to share small, simple traits of people with extraordinarily high emotional intelligence.
If someone has these rare qualities, experts say their emotional intelligence is off the charts:
1. They know how connect with their internal wisdom
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These people get present with themselves each day. They take time to pause and connect with their internal guidance system, listening to their intuition.
This allows their authentic voice to shine through, versus getting caught by their critical inner voice, which often emerges from a place of fear and self-doubt.
—Michele Molitor, coach, hypnotherapist
2. They examine the 'why' behind their emotions
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First and foremost, self-reflection stands tall. Carving out a few moments each day to delve into the depths of our emotions, examine their origins, and understand their impact allows us to navigate life's twists and turns gracefully.
Through this journey, they unravel the complexities of our emotional landscape, nurturing a deeper connection with our inner selves.
Next, there's the art of active listening. By silencing the noise of their thoughts and truly immersing themselves in another's story, they open a gateway to empathy. In this vulnerable space, they honor the emotions of those around them, fostering connections and building stronger bridges of understanding.
Lastly, curiosity and continuous learning play a powerful role in expanding their emotional intelligence. Seeking diverse perspectives, engaging in meaningful conversations, reading, exploring, and embracing novel experiences all broaden their emotional being.
—Clare Waismann, founder, Waismann Method Rapid Detox and Domus Retreat
3. They listen to the small voice within
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By listening to that still, small voice within them, they can end up believing that life is happening for them.
—Mimi Whittaker, intuitive life coach
4. They record their thoughts in a journal
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Writing in their journal allows them to get in touch with their feelings and review how far they have come. Checking in with themselves before they just blurt out yes to something someone has asked them to do will give them that breathing space to be able to feel good about a commitment.
—Marla Martenson, transformational life coach, matchmaker
5. They pause and reflect before responding
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Since the range of vocabulary to describe emotion is somewhat circumscribed and sometimes misunderstood, they consider naming in their minds any emotion they notice in themselves and in others for practice.
As appropriate, they use the listening skill of reflection of feelings in conversations. They make it tentative as in: "It sounds to me from your tone of voice that you may be feeling this emotion, or I wonder if you're feeling this emotion about that circumstance."
—Ruth Schimel, Ph.D., career & life management consultant, author
6. They remember to breathe
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They practice the daily habit of diaphragmatic breathing.
—Audrey Tait, counselor
7. They stop and think before answering a question
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In both personal and professional relationships, many people are unprepared and intimidated by questions posed that appear to have an agenda or hidden meaning. Perhaps their boss asks if they have any plans this weekend.
There are many ways they could answer that question, or maybe they do not want to reveal some details in their personal lives. One way to take charge is to ask, "Is there a question behind the question?' The other person may then reveal the reason. Maybe they want to request others to work over the weekend on something, or maybe they just want to be friendly.
Either way, they can always question the motive or meaning of a question or even criticism, so that they understand how to best answer. This approach can help them improve their emotional intelligence by questioning assumptions rather than just guessing.
—Jeff Saperstein, career coach
8. They analyze the reasons behind their feelings
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Anytime something rubs them the wrong way or they feel particularly frustrated, they ask themselves why. This self-awareness will improve their emotional intelligence by giving them an idea of why certain things get to them.
Often, we are so busy that when something annoys us, it has a domino effect and tends to have a negative influence on other aspects of our day. If we understand, oh I’m upset because so and so was late today, and I consider punctuality to be a sign of respect. Now I feel as if so-and-so doesn’t respect me. Maybe they were visiting family in the hospital or have an illness they don’t want to discuss.
Ascribing their thought process to everyone else only serves to create miscommunication and unnecessary frustrations. They look beyond their initial reaction. They become their own toddler, and always ask, “Why?”
—Erika Jordan, love coach, NLP
9. They are mindful of their progress
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Developing emotional intelligence is a valuable skill that can positively impact various aspects of a person's life.
They take a few moments each day to reflect on their emotions, thoughts, and behaviors. They consider why they felt a certain way, how they reacted, and if there were alternative approaches. This self-awareness helps them better understand their emotions and the factors influencing them.
They set aside a few minutes each day to engage in personalized mindfulness or meditation practices. The personalization of meditation can be curated based on Date of Birth and Name. These techniques promote self-awareness, emotional regulation, and an overall sense of calm. They can enhance their ability to manage stress and respond to emotions effectively.
They write down their thoughts, feelings, and experiences in a journal regularly. This habit allows them to explore and process their emotions, providing valuable insights into patterns, triggers, and growth opportunities. It can also serve as a reference for tracking their emotional progress over time.
—Sidhharrth S. Kumaar, Astro Numerologist & Chief Happiness Officer, NumroVani
Carter Gaddis is a writer and editor who spent 24 years as an award-winning sportswriter for newspapers in Florida and for various online publications, including ESPN, Parenting Magazine, and the St. Petersburg Times.
