Married Men Answer 20 Very Personal Questions About Their Wives
Take a look into the unfiltered mind of married man.
maxbelchenko / Shutterstock On a weekday at 3 pm, I put out a Facebook call for anonymous married men to answer 20 random questions on my blog. Apparently, that’s a common time for guys to slack off at work because I was inundated with responses.
Here are the first three guys who agreed to be interviewed.
I think this is a pretty good window into the unfiltered mind of the married man. Thanks, guys!
I introduce you to:
- The Newlywed (try not to rain on his parade, he is in the honeymoon stage after what seems to have been a bad first marriage) who sounds a little ADHD in a lovable way
- The Conflicted Guy (not that happy in his 16-year marriage but trying to make a go of it) sounds like he is a little depressive in a lovable way (but get some therapy, it could help!)
- The Restless Guy (older, twice married, and 3 years with no intimacy) sounds like he is where the Conflicted Guy might be in 20 years.
Before you say that this isn’t a "normal" sample, these are the first three guys of different age groups that wrote in.
Also, what is normal? I think these guys may be more normal than you think.
But of course, they all follow Dr. Psych Mom, which makes them more introspective and of course more intelligent, good-looking, and overall awesome than the average male.
Take it away, guys.
Here are 20 personal questions answered by 3 anonymous married guys:
1. Your age, how long married, kids and their ages?
The Newlywed: 36, married five months…..my son 14, my daughter 11, her son 6.
The Conflicted Guy: 38, together 16 years, married 3. 2 kids: 3 years and 3 months.
The Restless Guy: 53, married twice. The first time was for 9 years and we had 2 daughters whose current ages are 32 (twins). I've been married to my current wife for 22.5 years and we have 2 daughters ages 16 and 21. I also have 4 grandkids.
2. How many times a day do you think about your wife?
The Newlywed: Constantly.
The Ambivalent Guy: Almost constantly, not always in a positive way.
The Restless Guy: Lots. More than 10 times.
(Editor’s notes, which will be in parentheses: Anyone surprised by this? Men tend to think about their wives a lot.)
3. How many times a day do you think about sex?
The Newlywed: A few times an hour.
The Conflicted Guy: Too many to count.
The Restless Guy: At least twice, depending on the day could be many times.
(Sounds about right based on the ages.)
4. What are your top three anxieties?
The Newlywed: Being ignored, being late for anything and things not working out as planned.
The Conflicted Guy: Is my marriage failing, am I a s***ty father, am I turning into my father?
The Restless Guy: Losing my job and not being able to provide for my family, and my parents’ health — both are in their mid-80s with failing health, failing again at marriage.
(Only the newlywed doesn’t have marriage anxiety, as one would hope for his sake.)
5. What are your top three priorities?
The Newlywed: Family memories being built, quality time.
The Conflicted Guy: Supporting my family, participating in life with my family, and not turning into my father.
The Restless Guy: Spending more time with my kids than my dad did with us, providing for my family (special bonus my wife doesn’t need to work so she can homeschool our kids), and getting our house paid off.
(Love how invested men are nowadays in their families.)
6. Biggest regret in your life?
The Newlywed: Not taking mental illness seriously in my previous marriage.
The Conflicted Guy: Not having more fun while I was younger (shy). And freaking out and pushing my wife away while we were still dating (she slept with someone else and I can’t get over it 15 years later).
The Restless Guy: I’ve allowed the day-to-day to get in the way of experiencing things.
(That one sounds like it should be the focus of therapy, Conflicted Guy.)
7. The proudest achievement of your life?
The Newlywed: Hiking achievements with my two children.
The Conflicted Guy: My children.
The Restless Guy: How well my kids have turned out. I don’t suck as a dad. Finishing a marathon is a bucket list item I will never forget.
(These guys are all on the same page here.)
8. Favorite sexual fantasy?
The Newlywed: In all honesty, I’m living it. Someone with the same sexual drive as me.
The Conflicted Guy: I want my wife to penetrate me.
The Restless Guy: My wife and I have not been intimate in over 3 years. Just having sex is a fantasy at this point. Otherwise, cabin, fire, lingerie, soft and slow.
(Newlywed, the other guys are more representative of the average. Did you know that 15–20% of couples have sex 10 or fewer times per year, which is the common definition of sexless, and about 15% of couples haven’t had any sex in 6 months to a year? Really.)
9. Favorite sexual fantasy that your wife actually would do?
The Newlywed: Oral sex as part of each experience.
The Conflicted Guy: I would be happy to receive oral every once in a while.
The Restless Guy: See #8. My wife and I have never been "adventurous" in bed.
(Yup, guys are into oral.)
10. Something you’ve never told your wife?
The Newlywed: Tough one….We are open books to each other. Lies destroyed my previous marriage. We have both tried anal. I liked it, but the whole feces thing kinda creeped me out. I still have a draw for it...but it does kinda creep me out. Maybe, that I still have an interest.
The Conflicted Guy: I fell for a female coworker friend several years ago, before kids and marriage. We were going through a long bad spell. It was only emotional, but if she had been willing I would have gladly made it physical.
The Restless Guy: I’d probably have an affair if a woman came on to me.
(The Newlywed needs his own interview. He is obviously living a far different life than the average married man.)
11. Rank the following in order of how much you value them: money, career, family, fitness and health, hobbies.
The Newlywed: Family, hobbies, fitness and health, career, money.
The Conflicted Guy: Family, fitness and health, hobbies, money, career.
The Restless Guy: Family, career, fitness and health, money, hobbies.
(I think the Restless Guy’s emphasis on his career is in line with his age and generation. I like how all of them put family first.)
12. What are some white lies you regularly tell your wife, if applicable?
The Newlywed: Same as question ten…I guess that I eat at Taco Bell more than I mention, though I would never deny it.
The Conflicted Guy: I sometimes hide how much I drink and every once in a while mandatory overtime is actually voluntary.
The Restless Guy: My wife is 5'1". When we were married she weighed around 150 pounds. She now weighs over 230. I still tell her she is beautiful. Her heart and everything else really are.
(Now don’t you want to know what your own husband’s white lies are?)
13. Where do you see yourself in 10 years?
The Newlywed: Hopefully we will have a child together, and be working together as parents, rather than one-sided parenting like my previous marriage.
The Conflicted Guy: Hopefully hiking or hunting in the woods with my kids.
The Restless Guy: Old and lonely.
(Not to be shrinky here, but I think it is interesting that the Conflicted Guy may have subconsciously chosen not to view this question through a wider lens of where he will be emotionally or maritally. The Restless Guy’s answer is interesting too, since I bet his wife would never consider him lonely.)
14. What was your favorite day ever?
The Newlywed: Two…..the birth of children…..and marriage after that.
The Conflicted Guy: The first time we had sex. It was very secretive since we were both involved with other people. We were hanging out as friends and it just happened.
The Restless Guy: That’s a really hard question. There are lots of moments that make days special. My wedding day was great, but all the hustle and bustle. The day I finished the marathon was great. I guess the one that currently sticks in my mind is the first time my youngest daughter and I spent the day together at the amusement park riding rollercoasters. We had the greatest time. It’s now an annual thing we do together.
(I think the Conflicted Guy needs to work on idealizing his early relationship and processing/accepting where he is now. Come on, Conflicted Guy, go into therapy.)
15. What was your favorite year of your life?
The Newlywed: This year has been amazing…..beyond words. We do everything together…hobbies…hiking...everything…two peas in a pod.
The Conflicted Guy: 1998 up until I freaked out and pushed her away and she slept with someone else. We had such a good time, but that’s been a big black cloud over my life ever since.
The Restless Guy: The year I dated my current wife. I don’t ever remember feeling more alive than then.
(Interesting how all the guys’ answers have to do with their wives!)
16. Complete the following sentence: One way that my wife could get me to do more things she wants is by...
The Newlywed: Oral more…yeah, I’m weak, I’m a dude.
The Conflicted Guy: Doing more things I want, too.
The Restless Guy: Giving me a hug occasionally.
(I’m going out on a limb and saying the Newlywed’s answer also applies to the other guys.)
17. If you could be 25 again, what would you do differently?
The Newlywed: Not have a vasectomy.
The Conflicted Guy: I might actually choose a different partner.
The Restless Guy: Not get married to my first wife and experience more as a young person. The only problem with that scenario is I wouldn’t have my twin daughters and my life would likely not be as full as a result.
(And this has to do with wives too. Intimate relationships make or break people’s lives, in actuality.)
18. Which person in your life knows you the best?
The Newlywed: My ex gf…maybe my wife now though. She’s getting able to predict my predictable unpredictableness.
The Conflicted Guy: Either my sister or my lesbian bff.
The Restless Guy: My wife. She can almost read my mind.
(Newlywed, add this statement to things you shouldn’t tell your wife.)
19. What’s the best part of your life right now?
The Newlywed: Making countless memories with our family. We are nonstop, and that’s how I like to live.
The Conflicted Guy: My kids.
The Restless Guy: Coaching my 16-year-old daughter’s high school bowling team. Watching her and all the other girls get better each week is so fun to watch.
(Love that all the best parts are with the kids!)
20. Describe yourself in three words.
The Newlywed: Moody, happy-go-lucky (contradicting) and spontaneous.
The Conflicted Guy: So very conflicted.
The Restless Guy: Driven, restless, funny.
(The Newlywed sounds like a fun dude. He’s also in that hypomanic newlywed phase. The other guys gave themselves their names with their answers.)
Thanks to my anonymous men.
That was a great window into what guys may be thinking at a deep level. Brave of them to volunteer, even anonymously!
Till we meet again, I remain, The Blogapist Whose Actual Job Is To Hear People’s Secrets! I Love My Job. Share This Educational Masterpiece If You Enjoyed It!
Dr. Samantha Rodman Whiten, aka Dr. Psych Mom, is a clinical psychologist in private practice and the founder of DrPsychMom. She works with adults and couples in her group practice Best Life Behavioral Health.