Woman Gets 'Victim Blamed' After She Ignores Her Date's Red Flags & He Chases Her Out Of A Restaurant
"This is why women don't feel comfortable and safe to come forward," she said in response.
@ceo_nicole / TikTok There are so many stories of toxic men misbehaving on dates — or doing far worse — that if women weren't willing to give their dates the benefit of the doubt, they'd probably never be able to go on dates at all.
But when a woman on TikTok decided to give her date a second chance, it ended up being the wrong call — and when things went seriously sideways, people online were quick to blame her, not him. Now, she's speaking out about the danger of their attitudes.
The woman was victim blamed for ignoring her date's red flags and ending up in a situation that left her 'kinda fearing for my life.'
"Last night I had such a bad date," TikToker Nicole Castellanos (@ceo_nicole) began her video. "I'm kinda scared for my life because this guy is kind of psycho." As always, she said the date started off normally enough — after meeting on the dating app Hinge, they decided to meet up for sushi near her apartment in downtown Los Angeles.
But things pretty quickly took a turn in ways that in hindsight seem like red flags. "He would kind of give me subtle flags that he had... temper... Over, like little things, like just waiting five seconds for the valet person to get the car," she said. But, as so many of us do, she "likes to see the best in people," so she gave him the benefit of the doubt. That turned out to be a "big f---ing mistake."
Castellanos's date chased her out of the restaurant and hurled racial slurs at her when she refused to take him home with her.
The first thing that gave Castellanos pause was her date's claim that "he has never done anything like this" for a woman before, in reference to having to drive all the way from Beverly Hills to downtown Los Angeles.
As the date wound down, Castellanos found out just exactly what he thought he was owed for his commute.
When he asked what she'd like to do for dinner, her suggestions of going for a drink or out to a club were quickly rebuffed. "He said, since you have a luxury apartment, why don't we go back to your place?" She responded, "Absolutely not." He then quickly became angry, demanding she explain why she wouldn't take her home.
Photo: TikTok / @ceo_nicole
Things escalated so intensely that she ended up leaving the restaurant when he suggested she pay the bill for inconveniencing him — and that's when he chased her out to the street, where he physically grabbed her and began hurling racial slurs at her.
"This man proceeded to chase me down... and started calling me Mexican trash and broke Mexican," Castellanos said. The experience left her feeling like "I have a stalker now," especially because he knows where she lives.
The woman was victim blamed by some for having given her date the benefit of the doubt and for not publicly shaming him, and she called them out about the way this silences women.
Castellanos shared in a follow-up video that the man ended up texting her to profusely apologize for his behavior. She also shared that she'd gotten several requests from other women to name the man so other women can avoid him, but Castellanos refused to do so.
"Let's just pause and realize that this is a reality a lot of women go through," she said, explaining that the problem goes far beyond just this one man. She did, however, say in a comment that she planned to submit him to the many Facebook groups dedicated to identifying dangerous men.
But other women quickly criticized her for not retaliating against him in the moment and for refusing to name him or show his face afterward so other women could avoid him.
Castellanos quickly responded to say she was dismayed to see women "victim blaming" other women, and she hit back with an important question — "Did you want me to talk s--t to him? Escalate the situation more?" As another commenter pointed out, "Sometimes people pleasing can save your life."
Castellanos went on to say that she was also afraid to identify him because he is a rich man who grew up in Beverly Hills. "I'm not about to defame this person knowing that I don't have the resources to protect myself the way that he does." But more than anything, she was angry about the way victim-blaming makes women "not feel comfortable and safe to come forward about things like this."
She went on to point out that victim-blaming is a function of patriarchy, and she urged other women to not let victim-blaming ever keep them from speaking out about the things that happen to them.
As she put it, "Men worry about getting finessed on a date out of a meal, but women worry about literally getting killed." The stakes are way too high to be blaming women for the things men do, and we shouldn't need to still be having this conversation.
John Sundholm is a news and entertainment writer who covers pop culture, social justice and human interest topics.