Man Declares He's 'Turned Off' By His Partner Requesting He Pay Her $50,000 To Have Their Baby
The real turn-off is how little he actually respects the role mothers take.
Yan Krukau / Pexels In a now-deleted Reddit post, a man he explained how a family-planning conversation he had with his partner led him to question the future of their relationship.
He proclaimed that he and his partner aren’t legally married, although they’ve been together for six years and have been “spiritually married” for two years. Despite the lack of a legally binding marriage, he calls her his wife, stating, “At this point we are essentially common law.”
The man declared he was ‘turned off’ by his partner requesting he pay her $50,000 to have their baby.
He explained that he and his partner are both high earners, making over $175,000 annually, after taxes. They split the cost of their wedding and honeymoon, though he pointed out that he paid for her engagement ring and their wedding bands.
They bought their home together, splitting the mortgage payments equally, and are now “comfortably own [their] home.” Their income now goes to “savings, investments, home improvements and discretionary spending.”
“Because of our incomes, we felt it would be best to keep our finances separate — we're both highly independent people and both very career driven,” he stated. “It's part of the reason I'm so attracted to her — she's amazing at what she does, and I'm so proud to be able to introduce her as my wife and explain what she does.”
They made plans to have a baby, and “without too serious a discussion about it, we decided to stop using birth control and let things happen as they will.” On a night he described as a “regular, pleasant evening,” his wife brought up a plan she designed, illustrating the financial realities she’d face after having a baby.
As the man reported, “Her work place allows for maternity leave for up to a year but only provides 50% of her salary for up to 6 months. The remaining 6 months [are] unpaid.”
Photo: Ariel Santos / Pexels
“She was very direct,” he stated. She explained that insurance would cover “the vast majority of hospital-related costs during pregnancy and childbirth, taking a 6-month break from work would cost her almost $50,000 since her pay would be cut in half.”
The man’s wife asked him to pay her $50,000 as compensation for the wages she’d lose after having a baby.
She also asked him to split “any related but unexpected costs [of] pregnancy and childbirth.” She wrote what he called “a printed list of expectations in terms of what she expected financially,” including certain costs her insurance might not cover.
“Her stance is that she is doing something for us to start a family, but it is not a true 50-50 split if she is expected to take a financial hit for it and I am not, given that our finances are separate,” he added.
He claimed to see the logic in her plan, yet declared, “I am really very turned off by this, because she is essentially asking me to pay her to have our child.”
“She saw my hesitation and just doubled down,” he said. She explained that while her ideal situation is to go back to work after 6 months of maternity leave, she recognized “it’s a real possibility” that she might have to take up to a year off. “She had another plan drafted for that,” the man said.
According to her projections, “For the first 6 months, her work will give her 50% of her salary, and I would compensate her for the rest, but for the next 6 months, since her work would not compensate her, and because this loss is something she is doing for the family, she is ‘comfortable splitting the loss of her income,’ and only asking me for 50% of her salary instead of 100%.”
Photo: Karolina Grabowska / Pexels
He expressed disbelief that she wrote out “detailed notes about how she wants to keep housework split, with plans to start saving for childcare and additional housekeeper expenses, for at least the first four years.”
“I kid you not,” he exclaimed, “It’s a 16-page ring binder that she handed me with detailed notes, some explanations, and lists of expenses.”
“The idea of a payment plan to have a child is just gross,” he said. He acknowledged that “many couples manage to do this without paying their wives to have children. But then, I suppose most couples are married legally and a loss to one person's income is a loss to everyone. So in our situation, it makes logical sense, but there's something so transactional about it that puts a bad taste in my mouth.”
He concluded by saying that he “didn’t fight it or argue.” His wife told him if they do have kids, she wants to see a lawyer and obtain a written agreement; he made sure to clarify that “splitting the cost of that is ALSO in the binder.”
Many people called him out for maintaining a clear double standard, as he expects their finances to be equally divided, until his wife actually held him accountable.
A majority of people declared that his wife’s plan was an intelligent and responsible move — since they’re not actually married, she has no legal protections in place.
One person explained, “What your wife is asking is not even a little bit unreasonable. It's a version of the outcome that would exist if you were legally married and pooling your assets.”
In a tweet containing the man’s additional comments from his post, he justified not being married, saying, “We were both hesitant on the idea of marriage, but I suppose [I] oppose it more than she does... I think being with someone means choosing them consistently without the pressures of socially imposed institutions.”
Beyond his apparent opposition to the institution of marriage, he gave another reason he doesn’t want to get married: “I also want it to be easy to walk away if anything significant changes in the future.”
One person succinctly summed up the man’s position, saying, “I just can’t believe that you won’t support your wife at all while she grows, births and raises your child. That isn’t a red flag, it's a red slap in the face.”
While the man doubted the validity of his wife’s request, the negative financial repercussions of becoming a mom are very real. The Motherhood Penalty is a well-documented occurrence, as women in the workplace actually lose money after having kids.
As noted in a TikTok from Stephanie O’Connell Rodriguez, in which she analyzed a study published by Duke University Press, “for every child a woman has, her income decreases by around 4%. By contrast, men’s incomes go up about 6% when they become fathers.”
It certainly seems like the man expected to maintain the facade of financial equity in his relationship, while devaluing the reality his wife prepared to face as a mother.
Alexandra Blogier is a writer on YourTango's news and entertainment team. She covers parenting issues, pop culture analysis and all things to do with the entertainment industry.