4 Harsh Things Men Will Never Experience (But Women Regularly Do)
Men often don't realize how awful it can be to be female in this world.
Andriiii / Shutterstock One of the biggest gripes men seem to have on feminism is this weird idea that women "get everything for free." They believe that by just being female, women are able to get men to pay for everything and that everything always falls into place.
Newsflash: It doesn’t. Quite the opposite, our life is in hard mode.
There are a lot of things that I don’t think men realize happen to women on a regular basis. These, in particular, tend to occur almost exclusively to women — at least, in America.
Here are the four harsh things men will never experience (that women regularly do):
1. Men never have to beg a doctor for permanent birth control, nor do they ever get told that they don’t know what they want
I actually had to go to 12 doctors before I found one that would sterilize me, and that one only did so because my mother and baby daddy pleaded with them.
I was brushed off, had my pain minimized, and had absolutely no one actually listen to me.
I was an adult when this happened.
I am old enough to be an organ donor, old enough to support a baby if I wanted one, and old enough to enlist in the army if I wanted to. Heck, if I got diagnosed with cancer, I would be old enough to refuse treatment.
So, I’m old enough to live on my own and choose to die, but I’m not "old enough" to choose birth control in my country.
And for the record, I have a horrific hormone disorder and pregnancy worsens it.
Worse, the hospital I went to wouldn’t even give me an IUD. They lied to me and said they "were fresh out." I can’t name how many times I sat in my car crying because I felt so invalidated by the very people that were supposed to help me.
It’s trauma so deep that I genuinely hate doctors.
For the record, I still don’t trust doctors and the only one who gets to touch me is the doctor who sterilized me. As far as I’m concerned when that doctor retires, that’s the day I stop getting any sort of checkups. But, I’m not alone in that.
Men will never know what it’s like to be not taken seriously by medical staff or see a doctor as the enemy.
2. Men never have to deal with getting stared at in public
Unless you’re walking around in a top hat and a snorkel like one guy I saw in the mall as a kid, people are not going to stare at you when you’re a guy.
When you’re a girl, you get stared at like a piece of meat by everyone if you wear the wrong thing.
It’s not a comfortable experience. This is why women have to police themselves. They don’t want to have to deal with this.
3. Men also don’t have to plan out techniques to avoid violent men on a daily basis
Texting details of an Uber ride just to stay safe? Talking on the phone to avoid street harassment? Staying silent because harassing men might turn violent if confronted?
Yep, it’s a daily part of being a woman.
Why? Because most men believe that women don’t defend themselves enough when they get attacked. They don’t blame the attackers.
Personally, I think most women should consider getting concealed carry, a knife, or lessons in karate. I’ve had to pull out my switchblade multiple times to save myself.
Yes, women need to defend themselves. And women have to plan around it. But, we shouldn’t have to have that as a mandatory part of the female experience.
Guys don’t know what it’s like to be followed down the street before they get jumped. It’s not a normal occurrence in most parts of America. When you’re female, it’s far more likely.
4. Finally, men aren’t judged for getting frustrated at valid concerns
"Oh, he’s just passionate!" — Chauvinists talking about the man screaming at staff in the office
In real talk, we do not discuss how often women are not allowed to be angry. They are chastised the moment they raise their voice, and BOOM! Their credibility goes poof.
Go on any news cycle, and you’ll see female politicians being patient with men who are telling them they’re being unreasonable for wanting rights over their bodies. Women who raise their voices, get angry, or flip out over bullying or anything else are seen as crazy.
Oh, that crazy label. I have started to wear it as a badge of honor because it means I’m doing something right. But yeah, too many men love to label women who want to be respected as "crazy" or "difficult."
If you’re male, you’re the default. That means you get taken seriously, even when you are angry. Most men will never understand what kind of privilege that is.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, Newtheory Magazine, and others.