5 Little Things Women Won't Tell Men
Guys, are you aware of these things and how they can affect you?
Cavan-Images/ Shutterstock As a writer who lives in the NYC club scene, it’s not surprising that I have a lot of guy friends. Like, a lot, a lot.
And, like most homies, I often end up acting as a sympathetic ear to men who are lonely and just dealing with bad relationships in general.
The more I listen to men, the more I realize that a lot of guys don’t really understand womenIn fact, they don’t really know what to do or say to get their attention in a smart way.
As someone who presents as female, I feel I should talk about five things most men don’t quite get about the women in their lives. Fellas, are you aware of these five facts about the female gender?
Here are 5 little things women won't tell men:
1. Most women are somewhat afraid of men — if not downright avoidant of them
Most men don’t realize how scared women are of them, even when they aren’t really doing anything to them.
Before you say, "I’m one of the good ones! I respect women and would never hurt them," hold on.
Let me explain something here.
It’s not that women assume that you, specifically, mean harm to them. It’s that the vast majority of women have had horrible situations with men who seemed totally fine for a while, then turned out to be violent, predatory monsters.
The best way I can explain it is with the following analogy. I’ll offer you a handful of Skittles. Out of those Skittles, 10 of them are poison. Would you still eat those Skittles? I’m willing to bet you wouldn't.
That’s approximately how women see men. It only takes one rapist, one abuser, or one murderer to ruin a woman’s life.
A lot of women want to have a partner but just can’t trust men because of how much they’ve been through.
Every woman you’ve met has experienced or heard of a horror story. It shakes you.
They want to have partners, but they’re absolutely, positively petrified of being a statistic. Until guys do better, they are going to be leery of them.
2. They’re really jealous of the fact that male clothing fits well and has pockets
Women’s jeans just…don’t have pockets. Like, we get the fake little pocket and back pockets, but no pocket pockets in that clothing section.
Men’s pants have pockets. And they’re not made to objectify men the way that our clothing does.
It often feels like being stuck between a rock and a hard place when it comes to female fashion options, even though we've made progress. It sucks. And girls envy men for not having that issue.
3. Women are terrified of complimenting men because they’re worried that they’ll take it as flirting
The other day, I was walking down the street and saw a dude who was decked out in an amazing coordinated outfit. Like, the guy looked fresh. I didn’t dare tell him that, though.
Why? Because I’ve done that before and it’s a good way to get followed and harassed down the street.
Unfortunately, this is a common issue. Sometimes, women and people who look female really do want to compliment a guy platonically.
Sadly, this is usually off the table because other guys made it hard for us to do so. We don’t know how you’ll react and we don’t want to give the impression that we wanna f*** when we don’t, because it can end up badly for us.
Blame other men, not women, for the lack of compliments in your life.
4. The sexiest thing to a woman is emotional maturity
I have yet to meet a woman who hasn’t gotten sick and tired of having to moderate men’s emotions for them.
Real talk, it is rough out there. However, you don’t have to be six feet tall to win a woman’s heart.
The biggest reason why women fear men is because they’ve suffered from the abuse of a man who can’t moderate his own emotions. This means that one of the best ways to get women to be interested in you is by doing the opposite of what those guys do.
What does this mean? It’s simple:
- Understand and appreciate the rules of enthusiastic consent. Consent culture is a must. 50 no’s and one yes is not a yes. It’s you wearing down a target until they just give in so they can get it over with. You want someone who wants to be intimate with you.
- Don’t demand, tantrum, and abuse women who reject you or don't reply in time. I don’t know if the men who do this realize how offputting this is, or if they just don’t care.
- Read up on how to manage your stress, regulate your emotions, and increase your self-awareness. Do you know how you come across to women? Do you understand why Reddit’s r/niceguys exists? If not, it’s time to learn.
- Hit up a therapist. Women are not free therapy centers for guys. They’re not there to fix men.
- Recognize a toxic woman when you see one and back away. Toxic women will tell you it’s not okay to cry as a man, or will constantly tell you that your worth depends on a paycheck. This. Is. Bad. Like, really bad. They’re not looking for a partner if they say this. They’re looking for a bank account.
5. Women are just the same as men in most ways
Yes, they have boobs and butts. Yes, they have vaginas and can birth babies. But guess what — they also are the same species as you. Yes, it’s true.
That means that women can have the same feelings on topics, do the same things you do, and even like video games.
I know, I know, shocking, right?
What does this mean for men?
It’s simple. Ask yourself how you would feel if the same actions were done to you by a guy who’s 6'5 and built like a brick. If you would be terrified by your own aggression or upset by the way he treats you, you probably shouldn’t do it with a woman.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, Newtheory Magazine, and others.