Man Asks If He's Wrong For Kicking His 'Work Wife' Out Of His Baby Shower After She Says She'll Be The Baby's Second Mom
He'd already asked her to stop with the jokes, but she just kept pushing the envelope.
Natalie Maro, Just Life / Shutterstock Of all the usual workplace dynamics, the concept of the "work wife" or "work husband" is perhaps the weirdest. The gender politics of it all is just kind of... strange, you know? And for one man named Cole on Reddit, things with his "work wife" got weird on a whole other level.
A man had to kick his 'work wife' out of his wife's baby shower after she overstepped her boundaries.
The whole concept of "work wife" and "work husband" is ripe for being taken too far in the first place. You've already taken things to a weirdly intimate place by likening the relationship to a marriage. Like, can coworkers of the opposite sex not just be... work friends like everyone else? How would your actual spouse feel if he or she knew you had a "work wife" or "work husband?"
That's pretty much how Cole seems to feel about the situation too, because his "work wife" has been making him uncomfortable right from the start.
The man had already let his coworker know that the whole 'work wife' thing wasn't cool.
Cole writes that he and his coworker Eva have a great working relationship. "She's really good at her job and... we get along well as we work on projects together and are usually in the group of people that are the last to leave most days."
Photo: u/coleeatspeas/Reddit
But Cole soon learned that for Eva, their working relationship seems to have potentially gone to another level. "I learned some weeks ago that she was calling herself my 'work wife,'" he says. So he quickly and forthrightly nipped the problem in the bud. "I knew what the term meant, the sentiment wasn't shared and I've expressed as much. I don't think I've been rude about it, I just let her know that I'd prefer for her to keep things a bit more professional."
He went on to say that while he understands "there's no real harm in the term," as a "happily married man," he doesn't think the term is appropriate, and communicated that to Eva. But she didn't seem to quite get the point.
When Eva came to Cole's wife's baby shower, the 'work wife' jokes started up again — in front of his pregnant wife.
Cole writes that since Eva's jokes had stopped at work, he thought she'd gotten the point, "so I didn't think it would be an issue to invite her to my wife's baby shower." He was instantly proven wrong pretty much from the moment Eva walked in the door. "Eva comes in and immediately starts back up with the jokes. 'You're OP's home wife? Nice to meet you!'"
That alone would have been over a line for a lot of people, but Eva of course took things even further. "'It's so nice to see who takes care of my hubby when I send him home!'" she went on to say to Cole's wife. "My wife is a very sweet and patient woman so she just laughed it off," he writes, but it was obvious the jokes made her uncomfortable. And then things went to a whole other level.
"The jokes got worse and wouldn't let up," Cole writes. "At one point Eva was telling people she would be our baby's second mom." As you can imagine, pretty much nobody took kindly to that one, least of all Cole and his wife. "I had pretty much had it by then, and took her aside and told her that the jokes weren't funny and that she could either apologize to my wife right now for being so inconsiderate and gross, or she could just leave."
Eva chose the latter, and now Cole is being blamed by his coworkers for the incident. He writes that while they agree she was being inappropriate, they think he "should have let her down a little easier" since it's "obvious she likes you."
People online did not agree that the man was at fault, and many urged him to report her.
"Send HR an email about this behavior to get it on the record," one person advised. "Do NOT take chances here," another person urged. "Get to HR first thing in the morning and tell them everything, starting with the previous jokes and you having asked her not to say that."
Others went so far as to call Eva's behavior sexual harassment, and they viewed the situation as potentially dangerous. "He needs to get it on record now before she does something drastic," another user wrote. "Get other coworkers as well to report that have heard the 'jokes' before."
Even without ill intent, many experts like psychotherapist Gary Neuman in the video below, say that having a "work wife" or "work husband" can gravely endanger a person's actual marital relationship, because once you put romantic connotations on a relationship, it can become a slippery slope toward infidelity, even if only emotionally.
Of course, there's another dimension to Cole's situation — he repeatedly asked Eva to stop making "work wife" comments, and she refused to listen. That made some feel like her behavior rose to the standard of sexual harassment. "
He needs to get it on record now before she does something drastic," a user wrote. "Get other coworkers as well to report that have heard the 'jokes' before." All this drama over such an easily avoidable situation.
John Sundholm is a news and entertainment writer who covers pop culture, social justice and human interest topics.