If You Broke Up With Your Best Friend, Read This
If you're feeling like you could've changed the situation, I want to let you know that this breakup isn't your fault.
Olha Yefimova/ Shutterstock By Candice Zhang
You come to this place, upset and worn out from the best friend who has just left you. Perhaps you didn’t want this friendship to end, and you didn’t see it coming.
A part of you feels empty. Empty that the person you admire is now gone, and that everything changed so quickly. Just yesterday, you were texting your best friend, planning your summer vacation, and looking at trip deals.
But just a few minutes ago, they canceled these trips and pulled a 180 on you.
You never saw this coming, and even if you did, it may have happened too soon. You sit there, trying to process what the heck you just got yourself into. And you don’t even know how to react.
You don’t know if you could text others about this. One part of you feels like this information is confidential between you and your former best friend. But another part of you wants to untie the knots in your heart and solve the situation with someone else.
You probably have been through similar situations before, and wish that it won’t happen again. Yet now, you’re lying on the bed, wondering why adult friendships always seem to be temporary. A best friend can easily become an acquaintance or a stranger.
Well, trust me, reader, I have been through this with you. I’ve walked through life with people leaving me in every corner, before even waving a proper goodbye.
But sometimes, these abrupt goodbyes are necessary. Although they may not be easy to handle, I want you to know you’ll come out stronger from this.
First, I want you to know that your feelings are valid. When you lose a friend, it’s difficult to let go. You never thought about showing your vulnerable side to someone until you became close to them. And when you did by telling them your darkest secrets, you thought they would respect them.
But instead, they ignored them. So you have every right to be disappointed in this experience.
I also want to let you know you should take some time to grieve your loss. Never feel uncomfortable about sadness.
Grab some tissues, cry it out, and acknowledge your pain. If you want to watch all series of a TV show, go ahead and grab your laptop and log into your Netflix account. Whatever you need to do to grieve, do it and do it proudly.
If you’re feeling sad that you made so many sacrifices to save the friendship, but it didn’t work, you now have some time to respect your own boundaries.
Take this time to prioritize yourself and what you want. Were there any goals you held off on? If so, now is the perfect time to work toward achieving them. Prioritize what you like, and don’t be shy to do so.
If you’re feeling like you could’ve changed the situation, I want to let you know this breakup isn’t your fault.
When you tried to do anything in your power to save the friendship but it didn’t work, you already did your part and deserve a rest. If you feel that the friendship was getting toxic, letting go may have been inevitable. But whatever it is, it’s not your fault and you deserve to have a healthy friendship.
And in the end, I want to give you a hug for everything you had to endure.
Letting go and recuperating isn’t easy — adapting to these heartbreaking changes takes a toll on your emotions.
So I want to let you know you have another friend out there waiting for you. A friend who will take care of you and listen to you. A friend who will save you from your darkest secrets. And a friend who will love you for who you are.
Before meeting that friend, take some time for yourself and allow yourself to grieve. Don’t feel so pressured to meet that friend, as they will make their way into your life naturally. In the end, pace it according to what you’re most comfortable with.
When you meet that new friend, you’ll have a different view of friendship. And perhaps you won’t have to save your friendship by changing yourself.
Candice Zhang is a writer who focuses on relationships, health and wellness, and current events. Her work has been featured in GenTwenty, Her Campus, The Strand, and others.