Divorced Mom Says She Never Tells Her Kids She Misses Them When They're With Their Dad — 'I'm Not Sad'

For parents, navigating the reality of divorce while also making sure their children can process the emotions they may be feeling throughout the process can be quite draining and hard to manage. 

In a video, TikTok user Daisy O'Rear candidly spoke about the steps she takes with her own children as a divorced mother, and how she tries to take into account how they are feeling without forcing them to choose sides, which would only impact a child negatively.

She explained why she doesn't tell her children she misses them when they go and spend time with their dad.

In O'Rear's video, she admitted that she never wants her children to feel responsible for her emotions, and instead, wants to teach them to put their feelings first. To do that, she revealed that when her children leave to spend time with their dad, she uses other phrases instead of saying she will miss them.

"Kids of high conflict divorce often struggle with feeling responsible for their parent's emotions," O'Rear wrote in overlay text. "They have trouble transitioning and THEY often have a lot of confusing feelings including missing the other parent deeply."

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She continued, pointing out that if the co-parenting relationship is toxic, or both parents involved aren't acting emotionally mature, the child will often feel as if they are being put in the middle, which O'Rear predicted would only increase their need to be people pleasers as they grow older.

"When you can't control the other party, you can let your child know YOU'RE handling your own emotions like a secure adult should and you're completely available for others," she explained. "I believe saying, 'I miss you' may give them more reason to focus on your own feelings instead of processing their own."

Instead, O'Rear revealed that she'll tell her children that she loves them and is thinking of them before they leave to see their dad, which she says tells her children that they are on her mind and that she's not sad which therefore means she doesn't need their constant reassurance.

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Divorce can have a significant impact on children, both in the short term and long term.

There are a variety of ways that divorce can affect children's mental well-being, one of them being emotional distress. They are already feeling as if their family may be falling apart, and are probably worrying about their future.

It is important for parents to support their children through the divorce process, and to seek professional help if needed. By working together to help their children cope, parents can help minimize the negative impact of divorce on their children.

As O'Rear pointed out, it's not a child's job to provide emotional support for one or both of their parents and instead should be the other way around. 

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“Kids are easy to exploit like that, unfortunately,” Aaron Anderson, director of The Marriage and Family Clinic in Denver told Fatherly. “If you teach children to be available whenever you’re having an emotional breakdown, they will be, whereas another adult wouldn’t.”

Parents should be reassuring their children that they are not responsible for the divorce and that their place is not to be in the middle. 

In the comments section, parents shared their experiences with their own kids.

"I tell mine I miss them, but I’m so happy they are having a good time and getting to see their daddy. It’s a statement of fact not a sadness thing," one mother wrote.

Another user, who had been a child of divorce, praised O'Rear for teaching her children the importance of prioritizing their feelings. "Coming from a divorced-parent family, I appreciate this so much. I always felt responsible for both parents' emotions."

"Things they don’t warn you about when you start co-parenting is how incredibly selfless you need to be. You’ve got this mama," a third commenter acknowledged.

It's a parent's job to consistently help their children cope with divorce and minimize the negative impact on their emotional and psychological well-being.

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Nia Tipton is a Brooklyn-based entertainment, news, and lifestyle writer whose work delves into modern-day issues and experiences.