Working Mom Says She Doesn't 'Know' Her Son As Well As Her Husband Does & Has An Urge To 'Hand My Baby Back' Whenever He Cries
As a working mom, she's pulling back the curtain on her dynamic with her husband, who is a stay-at-home father.
TikTok For working parents, trying to balance a career and parenting can sometimes be a challenge, especially when trying to carve out quality time to spend with their children.
In a TikTok video, a working mother named Ema revealed that she often feels as if her relationship with her son isn't as strong as it is with her husband, who is a stay-at-home dad. She also exposed the reality of being a working mother and offered some tips for stay-at-home moms when dealing with their husbands who are working parents.
Ema shared that as a working mom, she doesn't 'know' her son in the same way that her husband does.
In Ema's video, she explained that she is able to "pull back the curtain" on the dynamic between stay-at-home mothers and working fathers.
"I really want to talk to stay-at-home moms because as the parent who works while my husband is exclusively the stay-at-home parent, I feel like I can pull back the curtain for you guys a little bit," she told viewers. "I want to tell you some of the sh-t that your husband is getting away with."
She shared that as a working mother, the time she spends with her son is limited compared to the time her husband spends with him, as he is at home with their child for eight hours every day while Ema is at work.
Since she isn't with her son for many hours every single day, Ema claimed to feel as if she doesn't "know" her son that well. When he's having a tantrum or just being fussy, Ema revealed that she often isn't able to figure out what he needs as fast as her husband can.
"Even though, as a woman, I'm socialized to be a caretaker, I have to constantly fight the urge not to just hand my baby back when he's crying or if I can't figure out what's wrong," she said, "which is ironic because I really need that time to kind of help me learn my son."
According to data acquired by the Pew Research Center, roughly eight-in-ten adults (77%) say women face a lot of pressure to be an involved parent; a significantly smaller share (49%) says the same about men.
Data also found that in 2015, 70% of moms worked outside the home, and 43% said that they didn't get to spend enough time with their kids. However, almost 90% of all moms said that motherhood is "both rewarding and enjoyable at least most of the time."
In an honest revelation, Ema said that when her son is crying, she has an "overwhelming urge" to hand him back to her husband to take care of him. She acknowledged that if she's feeling like this, then working husbands definitely feel the same.
"Please push back against that impulse," she advised working parents. "It's lazy. It's so much better for your husband to have to figure out the tips and tricks instead of just handing him back."
Ema acknowledged that her husband's job as a stay-at-home parent is more strenuous than her career.
"I know for a fact that my husband's job as a stay-at-home parent is harder than mine," she admitted. "I would say for 99% of stay-at-home parents watching this, that's true for the working parent in their life."
Ema continued, saying that it doesn't matter if working husbands have jobs stressful careers, such as working in construction or being a doctor, but that nothing compares to being a stay-at-home mother who spends all of their time with their children.
"I'm a speech therapist," Ema said. "I have a caseload of 128 kids. I have one of those hard stressful jobs that no one wants, my husband's job as a stay-at-home parent is still harder than mine."
She remarked that she's bringing up the difference because she constantly sees a shift between married couples, where the wife is a stay-at-home parent and is "almost getting away with something." For Ema, she notices that stay-at-home mothers are often told their jobs are easy because they don't actually do any work when in reality, they are.
Unlike working fathers, in a survey conducted by The Bump and Forbes, 34% of working mothers wished they were able to stay at home instead, while 48% agreed that staying home is a privilege many families can't afford to partake in.
"Do not let that energy enter your relationship. You're doing a harder job and for most of you, your husbands would not trade places with you if he could," she told viewers, noting that when working husbands return home, they shouldn't be relaxing on the couch, but pulling their weight and helping out their wives who have been at home all day with their children.
"You need the support after a long day of doing the harder job," she added.
Nia Tipton is a writer living in Brooklyn. She covers pop culture, social justice issues, and trending topics.