Woman Says She 'Despises' The 'Evil' Daughter She Adopted 12 Years Ago – 'I Feel Trapped'
She has posted about her adoption remorse online multiple times and while her approach is harsh, she's not alone in her feelings.
cottonbro / Pexels, Facebook A woman who frequently posts about hating her adopted daughter on Facebook is getting called out by TikTok users after a person shared her many harsh posts in a video on the app.
Adoption is a complicated and emotional process that can bring up many conflicting feelings for both parents and children. While adoptive parents are often assumed to be overjoyed by their new addition, this life-changing moment is far from straightforward.
That being said, this mother's unfiltered approach to vocalizing their feelings may be a lesson in what not to do. And, it may be a sign of something deeper.
A mother told Facebook she 'despises' her adopted daughter.
In a 2018 Facebook post, the mother writes “I think I really despise my daughter, adopted from Russia at 14 months. She is now 13. I wish our agency did more to warn [prospective] parents about the [possibility] of RAD.”
Reactive attachment disorder (RAD) is a rare condition that can prohibit children from forming emotional bonds with their caretakers. According to The Atlantic, the disorder can develop if “the child’s basic needs for comfort, affection, and nurturing aren’t met, and loving, caring attachments with others are never established.”
Where the mother has gone wrong is by blaming her now 13-year-old daughter for developing RAD. She is, after all, just a child and is the product of her upbringing so cannot be blamed if she does, in fact, have the very rare and commonly misdiagnosed condition.
She goes on, “Now I feel trapped and on guard all the time. She is inappropriate, she steals, lies, hoards food and garbage, is completely disorganized, disrespectful, angry and I wish she was gone.”
Two years later, she came back to Facebook to see if anyone had felt the same, writing, “Omg. I hate her so much. Please tell me I’m not the only one. I’m sorry, I grew up in a happy, respectful home and now I’m stuck with this.”
Although she adopted her as a baby, she uses the fact that her daughter isn’t biologically hers to avoid accountability. In another post she asks, “Doesn’t the county have to take your child if you voluntarily relinquish foster care? Isn’t there such a thing as “Refusal to Accept Parental Responsibility” (RAPR)? We are done!”
After her daughter refused to see family members because they ‘all hate her,’ the mother claimed that she was ‘pure evil.’
The situation escalated after the daughter was told she had to attend her grandfather’s memorial service. Allegedly, she was “furious she had to go.”
“Said she had no relationship with my dad (who she knew her entire life) and didn’t care he was dead. Said she didn’t want to see any of my family members because they all ‘hate her,’” the mom wrote in a post following the one where she claimed she hated her so much.
“I feel she is pure evil,” she writes. “I do not like her. I do not love her. I do not want her.”
“It’s been pure hell from day 1. I cannot wait until the day she is out of our lives for good. I never want to see or speak to her again. She has spent her entire life pushing me away. Mission accomplished. She will be cut off at 18 and be an orphan again.”
Commenters were baffled at the mother’s behavior and claimed it was most likely her bad parenting that caused the issues.
One user writes, “she adopted a BABY how does she possibly think those issues aren’t cause she’s a bad parent?!”
“Ooooooorrr you’re struggling with a teenager and the only reason you consider ‘giving them away’ is because they aren’t yours,” another adds.
A third user chimes in, “They act as though these kids can’t sense that their adoptive parents absolutely hate them. Kids pick up on those things!”
“It’s as if she doesn’t get what 13-year-olds are like,” says a fourth user.
While what this woman is going through may seem extreme, it's not far from the emotions experienced by new adoptive parents.
In 2016, Vice interviewed a group of adoptive moms who opened up about the often-overlooked feeling of post-adoption depression.
Amy Rogers Nazarov told the outlet that after she and her husband Ari adopted their son Jake from South Korea, she said she had "about a month of normal, then found myself in a really dark, hopeless place. I was utterly overwhelmed. Here was this beautiful baby, the child I had dreamed of, and I felt ill-equipped to meet his needs."
Dr Karen J. Foli, the author of "The Post-Adoption Blues: Overcoming the Unforeseen Challenges of Adoption" is considered an expert in the issue of post-adoption depression and insists that the feelings are normal. Most report overcoming the emotions within several months but some have to be aided by medications.
"Often, one strong expectation that is felt by adoptive parents is this notion of being a 'super-parent', which is neither realistic nor sustainable," Foli told Vice. "Therefore, when a parent begins to struggle, it's difficult for them to admit this. Several parents have reported feeling like 'monsters' when they feel depressed, they have waited to be parents and see this as a life goal. They are utterly confused as to why they are feeling the way they are."
Maddie Haley is a writer for YourTango's news and entertainment team. She covers pop culture and celebrity news.