Woman Feels Conflicted After Husband Told Her To 'Stop' Sending $200 To Her Mom For Watching Their Kid Overnight
He thinks it’s her “job” to do it for free. Many people disagree.
nikolinna / Getty Images, Pexels via Canva Having a loved one willing to watch your children can be a privilege. Often, immediate family members, like grandparents, watch their grandchildren without expecting payment.
But should parents continue not to pay family members for babysitting? Or should they not have to do it for free? One woman got into an argument with her husband over her choice.
He asked her to 'stop' sending her mom $200 when she watches their kid overnight.
She shared the story on Reddit's "r/Marriage," a subreddit described as “a place for sharing the for-better and for-worse of marriage.” She wrote that they have yet to get a babysitter, so her mother has been watching their daughter when needed.
When she babysits her during the day, she said she doesn’t pay her for watching her during the day. But when her mom watches her for the whole night, she gives her $200 as payment.
In the post, she clarified that the “overnight visits are only once a month or so.” On top of that, she commented under the post that daycares are $400 per week where she lives, and sitters are up to $25 per hour. So, she’s saving money even though she’s still paying her.
She gave some reasons why she feels she should continue paying her mom. Firstly, she stated that her mom no longer works due to unspecified health problems. In addition to that, her dad makes less than she and her husband. Despite her parent’s financial situation, she said that her mom often spends her own money to care for her daughter.
“Also, she does our child’s hair and buys her food and clothes regularly without ever complaining,” she wrote. She described her as “the dream grandma” for her child.
But her husband doesn’t think she should continue giving her mom money.
He asserted that it’s her “job” to watch their daughter, so there’s no reason to pay her.
“My husband doesn’t like that I pay her at all…He said his grandma used to watch them for free, so it’s just her job and she doesn’t need to be paid,” she wrote.
She mentioned in the post that he is willing to drop $500 on clothing, so she feels there is no reason he should be upset at the $200 charges going to her mom. But one person took issue with using her husband’s clothing spending habits to argue her point.
“Paying grandma $200 to babysit [v.s.] dropping $500 on clothes [are] two separate issues to be discussed and resolved at two separate times,” they wrote.
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However, many people agreed with her decision to pay her mom.
They took to the comments to express their support. “I think it’s completely fair to pay your mom for babysitting,” one person wrote. “Grandparents aren’t just free childcare.”
“I mean, she’s your mom. If you want to help your mom out financially then it’s your decision and no one else,” another wrote.
Though, one person took issue with that comment and rebutted that her financial spending was not only up to her.
“That’s not true. The decision to spend money has to be taken by both,” the person wrote.
However, they clarified that they still disagree with the husband’s belief of not paying her mom for babysitting. But not everyone is so forgiving of her decision. Some people labeled her “absurd” for opting to give her mom money.
“This is completely absurd to me. My parents and my in-laws would never accept any money for spending time with their grandkids,” one person wrote.
“I think it’s pretty mental to pay grandparents to watch kids unless they’re, like, reducing working hours to do it, but to each their own,” another added.
So, should parents pay their loved ones when caring for their children?
A National Center for Children in Poverty (NCCP) study found that people like family, friends, and neighbors of parents are the most common people they turn to for child care. The study found that up to 53% of parents rely on them to care for their children under 5 and up to 59% for school-age children.
Since it’s so common in the United States to ask people you trust to care for your children, no one should feel ashamed to give them a bit of money, especially if they can afford it. Not many people will argue with the assertion that raising a child is a difficult job.
Ethan Cotler is a writer living in Boston. He writes on entertainment and news.