Dad Thinks He 'Hates' His 5-Year-Old Son & Makes An Upsetting Discovery When He Talked To His Wife About It
This dad was shocked.
In The Light Photography / Shutterstock “This is sick. I must be sick. I’m seeing a therapist about this...but, you can’t force someone to love someone else?”
Pouring out his raw confusion and emotions on the Reddit Parenting forum, this dad pleads for advice from viewers in his original post about his 5-year-old son.
The Parenting Reddit forum, or r/parenting, is a place for parents to share the ups and downs of having children.
On the surface, studies wouldn’t exactly support this man’s passive parenting style — many results actually show that low parental involvement and investment often correlate with non-biological parents.
To this dad’s surprise — that might actually be more accurate for his situation than he realized.
After this dad admits he might ‘hate’ his 5-year-old, his wife reveals it’s not actually his son.
“Throwaway here,” this Reddit dad writes in his original post, “because it would kill my wife if she ever found out.”
Leading with a distraught tone, the dad details his family life with his only son. Married with a wife, he says that they share a very comfortable life with their ‘not fussy, really polite’ child.
“On the surface, everything is fine, but I really hate spending time with him.”
In a long Reddit post, the user details multiple instances with his son — ultimately leading up to his assumption that he ‘hates’ his young son.
Worried about this seemingly impossible conversation with his wife, his world was turned upside down — he shared in a follow-up edit on the post that his wife revealed something incredibly shocking when he brought it up.
The son he’d fathered for five years, hoping and trying to build a connection with, was not actually his biological son at all.
The reddit poster says he’s dealing with ‘a lot of emotion,’ confronting his lack of connection with his son.
“He’s a good kid,” this dad admits about his son. Despite having a wonderfully behaved son, he can’t help but say that it’s close to impossible to enjoy spending time with him.
“I hate when I have him do things with the family. I caught myself wishing we could afford boarding school or ship him off someplace.”
Reflecting back on fatherhood over the past five years, he’s sure to mention that he does “care about him,” but there’s no real father-son connection and bond.
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While he ‘obviously’ provides necessities like food and safety, he doesn’t feel ‘love’ for his son.
“Roof over the head, food, clothes, toys, safety,” he says about the necessities he provides as a father, but one thing he can’t seem to provide is his love.
“I don’t really feel like talking with him,” he says, “and my wife is starting to notice.”
“It takes a while. It doesn’t happen overnight,” one comment supports under the post, “Challenge those thoughts. You have to rewire your brain so your thoughts start to go on a different, more positive track.”
For this dad, though, he finds it difficult to focus on anything other than his misery when he has to spend “quality time” with the whole family.
This Reddit dad ‘feels sick’ over ‘hating having to spend time’ with his son.
“I try to pawn him off on play dates or the grandparents as much as possible.”
Trying to show affection, the dad mentions at the end of his post that his son’s “hanging” all over him just gets on his nerves.
“He’ll want to hang on me while we’re ‘playing’ or nap on the couch with me or hug,” he writes, “but that’s just not my thing.”
Confused and overwhelmed, the dad hopes that the Reddit viewers can provide him with some advice and clarity — “I don’t know what it is, but there’s no spark of pride.”
Fully employed for over a year, he recalls the shock his coworkers had when they found out that he had a son — “I don’t ever talk about him.”
Other comments seem empathetic to this dad — some even share a similar experience. But, many urge the Reddit poster to change his language away from ‘hating’ and into something more positive.
“Not feeling a connection with your son is way, way of from hating him,” one comment says, “If you frame the issues differently in your mind you might be able to start building that connection.”
After an ‘incredibly long and tearful’ discussion with his wife — she revealed he is not his biological son.
With the support of hundreds of comments providing advice for the man, this dad decided that it was finally time to have an honest conversation with his wife about his feelings for their son.
“Thank you for all of the support and advice. I decided to talk at length with my wife about this,” he writes.
However, when he opened up this ‘impossible’ conversation, he was met with an even more shocking response — one that he could’ve never expected.
In a follow-up addition to his post, he says, “An incredibly long and tearful story short, the child is not mine.”
A completely different response than he had even hoped for, the dad says, “I’m off to stay with my parents for the holiday and then into therapy / meet with my lawyers.”
“My sympathies for a truly wretched situation.” one commenter writes after reading the dad’s edit.
“I would ask that after you have had a chance to calm down, just take a step back…avoid undertaking additional actions out of pure malice. If the kid is as normal as you said, he probably loves you because for him you are his father,” they continue.
While the dreaded conversation took an unlikely turn, comments and viewers alike seem to agree this dad has a new opportunity at forming a connection with his son – biological or not. His wife, on the other hand, may seem much less empathetic toward him.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a news and entertainment writer who focuses on pop culture analysis and human interest stories. Catch up with them on Instagram or TikTok.